Hello?? Is This Thing On??

Ahoy there, people of blogsville! So, the last 3 months have flown by, and I haven't kept you in the loop as to what's going on in the world of "R". My apologies for that, but rest assured, I shall bring you up to speed today, and condense 3 months worth of shit into 1 post. How you like that idea? Try to keep up, though, and make sure your reading eyes are on, because although I plan to make it short-n-to-the-point, there's still alot to cram in....So, ready?! Good, I hope so.

Okay, I've been in my new house going on 3 months now. Thankfully, I was able to bypass Mitch's original "beer & dinner" option for moving, and dished out $20 each and a few large pizzas to Ron and Daniel in exchange for their services. I'm truly grateful to the Higher Power for looking out for me on that one. He knew I didn't want to deal with Mitch, hell, I don't think I even necessarily want him to know where I live. Once the word got out that I was moving, Ron and Daniel both offered their services, free of charge, and although "free" was ideal, my ethics wouldn't let me take advantage of that, hence, the $20 to cover their gas and a mini pizza party. Moving didn't take long. I started on a Friday around noon, and was completely unpacked and settled in by that Sunday night. I love my house, my girls love their yard, and all is just gravy (with the exception that my hot water tank went out the other day and a plumber is on his way as I type to check it out...thank God for the 1 year warranty the previous owner paid for!). I'm still working 2 jobs, still trying to decide on new furniture (boy, furniture shopping is harder than I thought!), but broke down and bought a 37' flatscreen TV for my bedroom. I know, I know, all of the ranting I did about not keeping up with the times, and I caved. I have a very good reason for that, though. The picture rolled at the top of the screen on the TV that Eric had given me, so I put that TV in my 2nd bedroom..plus, there's alot more space in there for me to do my INSANITY (yes, I've gone there..well, went there...for a whole 4 days) workouts.

Okay, now to bring you up to speed on the real shit.

Remember Mr. "smells oh-so-damned-good" that I'd mentioned works at my 2nd job? Well, I determined he's not even attractive to me anymore. So, maybe I fudged the truth a little when I said I'd never let him touch this, because I would have turned his world out. Just because he smells good. And he's cute. However, I found out that he's never been with a black girl before, therefore, I don't have the time to school his stupid ass. And his attitude sucks. He's very cocky, and that, to me, is enough to shut up shop. So, he was "x"ed just as quickly as he was considered.

In the midst of this, a sexy someone walked into my 2nd job looking for one of the girls that works with me. "Damn" was all I thought. I can only describe him in 1 word: HOT. I had no clue who this sexiness was that was asking for my co-worker, but I made no secret of asking her, right in front of him. Turns out, he was her brother! We'll call him "Brent". I guess Brent was a little surprised at my boldness, but he smiled at me the whole time, and confirmed that my co-worker was just his sister. He also made it a point of letting me know that he noticed me noticing him. Oh, well, I'm not shy about it. Shortly after he left, my co-worker got a text from him saying "your co-worker is cute". That was all I needed to get the ball rolling. I had her text him my number.

It took Brent 2 days to contact me, but when he did, we hit it off amazingly. I had to go there and ask how old he was, though. If you thought I had a problem with mine and Lawrence's 6 year age difference, Brent is 7 years younger. Shit. He looks my age. Why can't I find a guy closer to my age?! Oh, well. He said he didn't have a problem with the age difference, but, here we go again with being unfamiliar with black girls. Am I the singled out guinea pig for this sort of shit?? Really?! The difference between Brent and Mr. "smells-so-damned-good", though, is Brent is classified as "sexy". "Smells good" is just cute. And very skinny. Brent is more on my level when it comes to attitude and way of thinking. At least I thought he was. We spent almost 3 weeks constantly talking and texting (don't worry, Sven got his time in there, too), and couldn't wait for both our schedules to allow us to finally hang out with each other. The only problem was I sorta knew in the back of my mind that this wouldn't escalate to anything beyond him possibly being my next Lawrence. Turns out, Brent had just gotten out of jail for a felony a few weeks before we met. I won't elaborate on it, but let's just say, his future is pretty much fucked for quite a few years, and I've got too much to lose. He damned sure would've made a hell of a lover, though. I'd told him pretty much from the beginning that I wasn't looking for anything serious, and he said that he wasn't either, but we agreed that we could surely have fun together.

The thing that fucked him was the day we'd finally arranged to be able to get together, we were supposed to do lunch, hit a movie, then a hockey game, and the rest we'd play by ear. We'd been planning it for over a week. The day before we were to hang out, he told me that he'd be helping his dad work on a car that next morning, but would call me when he was done. I told him I would schedule the movie around that time. That day came and went. The next day came and went. 3 days after we were supposed to hang out, I sent him a 1 word text: "WOW". That was all I could say. I hadn't bothered to contact him before, because what I've finally let sink in and come to terms with is if a man wants to deal with me, he will. I don't have to chase him down no matter how bad I want to fuck him. Sorry Ass didn't even respond to that text. I waited another day and sent him a text telling him that if he'd changed his mind about hanging out all he had to do was tell me, but his silence wasn't cool, I thought he was better than that. He responded to that text telling me that he waited for me to contact him, but it was whatever. How the fuck was he waiting for me when the agreement was for him to call me when he was done working on the car? and I asked him that. Didn't hear from him anymore. But I did see on his Facebook page a little over a week later that he was "in a relationship" with some other girl. That explained it. When, where, and how this chick came on the scene is beyond me, but, oh well. I deleted his number.

So, there I was again. Sven never let me down. As a matter of fact, I started missing him a little more, and wishing that he lived closer. A little after I'd sworn off Brent, lo-and-behold, I get a text from a local number:

"I hope you're doing ok. I'm sorry for the way things happened and I don't blame you if you don't respond to this and never want to speak to me again. Me and my girlfriend broke up, and I just wanted to know if me and you could at least be friends"

I had to laugh. I knew who it was, but I wanted to play with him just the way he tried to play me.

Me: Okay, who is this?
Him: Justin
Me: Oh, well I'm sorry to hear about your break up
Justin: It was for the best. I got tired of her shit. So I guess you don't mind talking to me again?

Do I, don't I. Hell, I'm fucking horny. I haven't had any dick since February, and this "toy" shit is getting old. Right now, I'm not worried about a 10 year age difference.

Me: I guess not
Justin: Thank you. We never should have stopped talking
Me: Whatever. What's up?
Justin: Hey, you still want to take me up on that dinner and movie?
Me: Maybe. I'll let you know when I can
Justin: Ok. Let me know when you have time. You not mad at me?
Me: Never was mad, and I'll let you know
Justin: Ok. I'm looking forward to it

I was fucking him a few days later. We never did do the whole "dinner" thing. It was a movie, the pool hall, the corner store (for some condoms), then my house. It's amazing how much alcohol can make you release inhibitions. I made it clear to him again that I didn't want a relationship, I just wanted a cool "buddy". We'd had that conversation before when we first met, and he agreed that that's all we'd have. I have to give it to him, although he's insecure about his size and his abilities (he's expressed to me that he is), he's yet to disappoint me.

It's been told to me that I'd better be careful, because although he and I both said we didn't want relationships, his constant texting and always wanting to be around me, and getting offended when I'd rather hang out with my other friends sometimes (I've managed to squeeze in a few movie dates with one of my female friends), and wanting me to go to Arkansas with him to meet his family, could be saying different. I don't know. I'm not a man to figure out the male psyche like that. All I know is what he said. He could just be sprung. I only get to see him once or twice a week because we have polar work schedules, but when I need him to deliver, he'll put his sleep on hold to come through for me. I appreciate that in him. I appreciate that he appreciates what he's getting from me.

Justin's come a long way in the couple of months that we've been hanging out. He made me feel good the other day when he told me that I'm turning him into a "man". What he means is because I enforce him opening doors for me, I let him take the upper hand when going somewhere, taught him how to balance his checkbook, I talk to him and not at him, and I don't act all silly and air-headed like the females he's used to dealing with. Don't get me wrong, we have loads of fun together, like going to Walmart's toy department and throwing a frisbee around, or seeing who can tickle each other the most...we have our fun times, but I'm glad he realizes I'm not just "some broad" he's knocking off..I'm a lady and to be respected as such. He does a very good job of it. See, just from him telling me that, I realized that he was looking for a mother figure. As I'd said before, according to him, his mother basically just kept a roof over his and his sibling's heads, and kept food in their mouths. Life's lessons, he's having to learn on his own. The lesson that landed him in jail was the hardest.

I don't know how long Justin's and my fling will last, but I'm enjoying it while it is. Lawrence's shoes have been filled for the time being, but nobody will ever be Lawrence. Justin comes damned close, but that was an indescribable period in my life that may never be duplicated. Of course, there are several times that I pray won't ever be duplicated, but I just live one day at a time, and take it as such.

Sven is doing well. We still have our pretty much daily conversations. Unfortunately, they're not as long as they once were, but I attribute that to the fact that one or both of us is always needing to get some sleep. He's been out here to see my house since I moved in, and he likes it. I won't deny that I still have feelings for him. How can I not? The man is attentive to me mentally and emotionally. I'm still not sure where our road is heading, either. Once again, I'm just taking one day at a time.

I've been contemplating if I'm ready for a serious relationship again. A few co-workers at my 2nd job and I were discussing that very topic the other day. I'm still leery, because I can't shake the thought that I'm always the one that walks away wounded, and I don't quite know if I'm ready to put myself out there for that to happen again. I mean, don't get me wrong, the thought of being with someone, just me and them, is beyond wonderful, but at this point, is that what I really want right now? Am I ready for that again? Or am I just in love with the thought of having that? Still something I'm trying to figure out, and I guess until I'm able to answer that question with a firm "yes", I guess that means I'm not. Seriously, though, with the way I work, I don't know where I'd find the time to try and make a relationship work. Right now, I wouldn't be able to spend as much quality time with my man as I'd want to, and that can be very taxing.

I don't know. All I do know is that my dogs are worn out from barking at the plumber, my hot water tank is working again (it was just a bad thermal couple (?) that he had to replace..that was fast), and I'm about to go take a hot shower...

Living My Life Like It's Golden

I'm not quite sure what's going on, but theres' definitely either something in the air, or the water..maybe both.

After Daniel and my break up, I met "Mitch" through my former close friend, Eric. Eric works with Mitch as a truck driver, and was renting the second bedroom of Mitch's trailer. Eric (I actually kinda miss his friendship..he's the one that I stopped dealing with after he did his ex-girlfriend dirty like Allen did me) was so eager for me to get over Daniel that he all but pushed me and Mitch to hang out. When Eric had mentioned me to Mitch, Mitch was all game. Being that he's originally from the northwest somewhere, and hadn't been in Oklahoma but a few years, he wanted to meet me soon. I was kind of hesitant to meet him because I was still pining over Daniel (right before Junior arrived on the scene again), but eventually agreed because anything to take my mind off of Daniel at the time was a welcomed gesture.

The very first time I saw Mitch, I was not impressed. Now, to describe Mitch, he's not my type on any level in the looks department. The closest common ground he has with my taste is the fact that he's tall, slender, and has long hair. He's not necessarily a bad looking guy, but you can't really see him for all the tatoos that cover his face and body, the bull-ring in his nose, and one's attention would be immediately drawn to his enormously gaged ears. I wasn't impressed, but something about the way he smiled at me made me consider spending a little time with him.

Mitch didn't waste any time wanting to take me out, which he did, and after hanging out together a few times, he expressed extreme interest in me and wanted to take things to a deeper level. I wasn't in that mind frame, so I was straight forward with him about not being ready for anything serious with anyone since I'd recently gotten out of a relationship. He said he understood, but hoped I 'd reconsider soon. Mitch is a gentleman, the chivalry is there, and I enjoyed the time that I spent with him. He's 4 years younger than me, but his maturity level is beyond his years, and he seems to know how to treat a woman. If I could get past all of the excessive (and some of it was crude) body art, and the fact that I'm not keen on gaged ears, he could have possibly made a decent boyfriend. I'm not knocking tatoos at all, because as I've stated before, I've got 6 of them, but he looks like a human canvas. Not necessarily someone I'd be in a hurry to take home to the family.

Fast forward to a day that Daniel had pissed me off. I don't even remember what it was about, but I'm sure it had something to do with me spending time with his daughter. I do remember that my nerves were in such an uproar that day, I immediately took the route of needing some sort of frustration release. It had been a while since I'd had sex, so, guess what I did? You guessed it. I put in a call to Mitch and told him I needed to see him.

When I arrived at his house (Eric was at work at the time and still to this day doesn't know that this happened), I immediately grabbed his hand and led him to his bedroom. I have to give Mitch credit in that department. He's definitely working with way more than I ever would have anticipated, and he knows what to do with it. My frustrations and aggravations were diminished after that. Once we were dressed again and sitting on his couch talking, he told me that after that, he felt we should definitely take our relationship to the next level. I told him that I was flattered that he valued me like that, but I still wasn't ready. I could tell he was hurt and probably felt used, but he continued to be his "Mitch" self with me. That was the only time we've had sex. Not that he didn't try to again after that, but I just wasn't into him like he was me, and I just couldn't do it.

(Junior arrived on the scene and grabbed my attention shortly thereafter)

Fast forward some more to a couple of years later. Mitch had started dating some girl he'd met online, she'd moved in with him, and they soon got engaged. I was happy for him, and asked him not to tell her about us in order to keep the drama down since I was hanging around their place (Eric was still living with him). He agreed, but I think "Cathy" had her suspicions. Mitch, for some reason, would always seem to cater to me. I tried to avoid going around alot, because I felt uncomfortable with him being engaged and still seeming to be making a play for me. I'm not one to disrespect another woman like that.

Cathy had moved from Arkansas to be with Mitch, and had asked me to get her a job with my company. I didn't know her all like that, but agreed to mention her application to my boss, who hired her. I found out firsthand that Cathy wasn't all that she presented herself to be. Without going into too much detail on her (it's trivial...really), after having her as one of my employees, I didn't care for her too much anymore. She's extremely lazy, whiny, complains about everything, slobbish (did I mention that she's very overweight as well? not a good combination), doesn't keep herself up, and personally, I don't see how Mitch could even stand to fuck her. I guess pussy is pussy, though. She'd mentioned a few times things about Mitch, and throw statements out like she suspected something had gone on between us. I'd just listen to her without confirming. She wound up getting fired.

Anyway, Mitch and Cathy finally got married a few months down the road. The relationship was toxic, at best. Long story short, he's filed for divorce after less than 2 years of marriage.

Throughout the time, however, Mitch and I kept in quasi contact. He'd call or text me on a regular basis, but I'd expressed to him that I wasn't comfortable communicating with him as much as he wanted to since he was married. I'm sure Eric had suspected by then that something had transpired between Mitch and me, because he'd make statements like "dang, R, why is Mitch acting like he's so crazy about you? He's a married man and still tries to deal with you like he's single!" I'd never confirm what Eric probably thought, but if it was that obvious for Eric to pick up on (he can sometimes be so damned naive about shit), I know Cathy had to know. A woman's intuition is a strong force.

Since Mitch has been going through this turmoilous time, I've been the friend he's been relying on, but it seems like if he doesn't talk to me everyday, he gets an attitude. I don't know why for the last few months he's been acting like I'm the only friend he has and he's the only friend that I have, and being that he's almost single again, he's made it no secret that he wants to get with me when his divorce is final. I've had to tell him that I think it's inappropriate for us to even have a conversation in that field until he actually is single. He's kind of lightened up, but he still throws things out there on occasion. I'm not sure, but I think after all this time, I must've done something right that he can't forget to make him be like he is. Either way, never shall there be anything more than just a friendship between us. And as far as sleeping with him again, that will never happen. Just the thought of having a penis in me that was in Cathy is enough to make me gag. I'll still be his listening ear, though. We've hung out, and he keeps pushing to hang out again. I work 2 jobs now, and like I've said before, I barely have enough time for me, let alone trying to configure someone into my schedule. Like I've also said, people make time for the things they want to. I'd better be nice, though, because he's offered to use his truck and to help move me into my house at the cost of a case of beer and a dinner. Can't beat that.

I'm still making time for Sven. Well, as much as I can between sleep and jobs. Still getting lost in our timeless conversations. He's told me that he's planning on coming to see my house when I finally move in. Something about him...almost like he's addictive or something. (Okay, I'll say it...yes, I am somewhat addicted to this man on some level) I can't put my finger on it. We had a conversation the other day, and he expressed that he wants to be back with me. I was thrilled to hear this, and wanted to say "yes" right off the bat, but, I told him that I need him to be sure that he's truly ready, because I'm not going through that shit again. We'll see. My mom asks about him like he's her long lost bestfriend or something. She still wants to meet him, and never fails to tell me that. Again, we'll see.

So, other than this, and "Baker" (he's another story for another post), I'm living my life like it's golden, and steadily moving forward....
Oh, and I forgot to mention, there's a little "smells so damned good" cutie at my second job that has all but came right out and told me he wants to fuck me. I read into his insinuations. But I like the element of "haha...you'll never have this". Keep him guessing.

So, as the world turns, so do the days of my life...

Aw Aw A Like Shoes

"You got your kickers and your ropers,
your everyday loafers,
and some that you can never find.

You got your slippers and your zippers,
your grabbers and your grippers,
and man don't you hate that kind.

Some you wear in,
some you wear out,
and some you wanna leave behind

Sometimes ya hate 'em
sometimes ya love 'em
I guess it all depends on which way you rub 'em
but a girl can never have too many of 'em...
Men are like shoes"

Gotta appreciate Shania Twain for that song. Not that I necessarily agree with all of the words in this song, but the jest of it is the essence. As I've said to people before, I love men. I've been to hell and back with some of them, but not enough to make me ever want to deter from that way of life. No matter how fed up I get with some of their shit, I still love them, and wouldn't ever trade them...I may want to trade the model that I'm dealing with at the time, but I'd never trade a Ford for a Kia . Yes, I'm a Ford girl...F-150 XLT Triton Extended Cab type of girl to be exact.

Who the hell was calling me from an unrecognized phone number at 10:30 at night? I hadn't given my number to anyone, and I know solicitors had sure as hell better not be calling me that time of night, but who the fuck was this? Jones. Hm. The opportunist. I'm so glad I was on the phone with my mom at that time because it gave me the perfect excuse to get off the phone with him. He tried to use the excuse that he suddenly realized he hadn't given me his new phone number so he wanted to make sure I had it. I didn't have an old number for him, so it didn't matter. And how the hell does he all of a sudden realize that I, of all people, didn't have his new number when we hadn't communicated since....damn....I can't even remember. Obviously, though, after all this time, he still remembers how to get in touch with me, and the timing is so very coincidental...not long after I posted on Facebook about buying a house. When I told him I'd call him back because I was on the phone, he said he'd just call me the next day. That was 2 days ago. I didn't even bother locking his number in. Poo on him. He'd be described as a "slipper and a zipper".

And I won't speak to badly about "Lee". I never spoke in detail about him before, because although I was involved with him, he didn't last long enough, nor was he "attention grabbing" enough to be a jader for me. Lee and I had a brief fling after Mason, before Allen. I think I may have touched on him at some point in one of my posts. He's in the military, but his kids are damned near grown and he didn't really want anymore. At the time, I was in my "gung-ho" phase of wanting children, so, although he was open-minded about having more (just as a pacifist thing if he wound up with a woman that wanted some), he already has 3 biological, 1 that he's raising as his own (4 total), and mine would be "just another kid" to him. That's not ideal to me. I'd want my child to be "wanted" by the daddy, not just a "well, this is what your mother wanted, so here you are" thing. I didn't bother even putting any eggs into that basket, just enjoyed the times we did spend together, and we just kind of mutually faded out of each other's lives. I'd spent some time with 3 of his children, too, and one of his daughters (his oldest) is an "attitude central" teenager that I knew I wouldn't be able to deal with. She and I would've wound up going round-n-round. I don't deal well with disrespectful kids. That was a kind of complicated situation, because he had 2 kids (a daughter and son) with his ex-wife, they separated for a time, and he had another daughter with another woman, she had another son with another man (that's the 1 he's raising as his own), they got back together for a while, then divorced. The one thing I will say, though, is I wouldn't have had to worry about him being a stranger to bi-racial kids, because all 3 of his are half black. He's a good man, and a wonderful father, so that wouldn't have been an issue either. I think what it boiled down to is I just really didn't want to go into a full-fledged ready-made family situation. One child, maybe 2, is my limit. Anything more is too much for me. Like I said, I have nothing bad to say about him, other than the fact that he would be described as "some you wear out", because having his career and that many kids was taxing on the time. He simply sent me a text and posted a congratulations about my house on Facebook. We never really completely lost contact with each other, because we text a time or 2 within the last 6 months or so, but I'd long ago deleted him from my phone, so his number is only recognized by the area code. He's originally from the northeast somewhere, just stationed here in Oklahoma and he never changed his phone number (sounds familiar..hehe). He's one of the better ones I've dealt with, so that's all I have to say about that.

Ah, and Ron has managed to resurface also. He doesn't have a Facebook page, and I hadn't heard from him since the turn of the year, so where he came from out of the blue is beyond me. I guess he's got ESP. He's already tried to make a few dates with me, and that would be okay because it's not like I'm into him for it to be anything more than just hanging out as friends, but with me working 2 jobs now, I'm lucky to have time for myself, much less try to make time for someone else. He understands that, and pretty much said to just let him know when I can squeeze him into my schedule. Only God knows when that will be. Yes, it's true, because I've said it myself, that people MAKE time for the things they want to. I'll just leave it at that.

All of this, and today is only Thursday. I'm starting to wonder who else is going to come out of the wood work. So far, it hasn't been anyone that I necessarily care. Are any of them? Hm. Good question. I tell you what, I'll let you know when I find out.

I Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself

I'm so glad that some people take the time to actually get to know the real me for who I truly am. That helps in instances when people like Mason are messaging people around me, I'm guessing in an attempt to make them dislike me. What he failed to realize, though, is those that do know me won't give him the time of day nor believe his shit. After he messaged Sven, Sven messaged him back telling him "hm. Who should I believe? A man that I have no clue who you are, or R, a girl that I know?" and told him not to message him, me, or anyone that I know ever again (good looking out, Sven). That must have hurt Mason's ego, because he messaged Sven back with some childish, smart-ass response along the lines of "whatever, tough guy. I'll message who ever I want" and then blocked Sven on Facebook. Sven and I both sarcastically agree that you aren't someone until you've been blocked on Facebook by someone you don't know...the next quest will be to get blocked by someone you actually do know, and then you'll really be somebody. I love Sven. He makes me laugh. We still get lost in our hours-long conversations, losing track of time and everything around us. "Well why the hell don't y'all just get back together?" one would ask. Would we like to rekindle the flame? It's a mutual yes, because the flame seems to have never gone out. You never know what the future holds, but for now, things are fine as they are. Sven has mentioned several times that he feels bad about us breaking up, and I appreciate his remorse over all that happened, yet I don't want him to associate with me out of guilt or anything. He's stated several times how much he misses me (and I've told him the same), but I want the miss to be about me, not out of feeling bad because of the issues that broke us up. Only time will tell how this scenario will play out. He sent me another Facebook friend request, and I've added him again. For now, we're just taking our time, enjoying each other with no pressures from either side.

My dear Justin is an ass. I woke up the other day to a missed call (I hadn't deleted him from my phone yet) and a voicemail from him. When I checked my messages, thinking it was something important for him to be calling me being he has no reason to since he has a girlfriend, all I heard was a bunch of jumbled talking and static. After a moment, I realized that he must've not deleted me from his phone and did an accidental pocket dial. I text him asking if he realized that his phone had done that, and his reply was "no. who is this?" What the hell do you mean "who is this?". It's been 2 weeks, and obviously you hadn't deleted me from your phone for you to have pocket dialed me, but you're asking "who is this?". Dumb ass. I responded telling him it didn't matter who this was, I just wanted to let him know that he's pocket dialing and to take care. He responded that he knew it was me, he was sorry about the pocket dial and he hopes I'm doing ok. I didn't respond. Why bother and waste my time? I bet he felt stupid when, or if, he realized that I knew he couldn't have pocket dialed me unless my number was still in his phone. That just further shows me how immature and idiotic he is, and I'm glad I dodged that bullet.

Not much to speak about in the dating world at this time. To be completely honest, I haven't given much thought (maybe for the first time in my life) to dating lately. I've been so pre-occupied with buying my house (I move next month!! Yay me!), and started working a second job, there hasn't been much room nor time to think about much else. Okay, the reason for the second job is that, inspite of some of my bad decisions in men, I am a realist in other facets. The second job is only part-time and temporary. My primary job will take care of the bills, and the second job is so I can furnish my new place with new furniture and fix it up just the way I want it. I have an apartment full of furniture now, but something about moving into a new place, actually buying a house, makes me want to deck it out. I've picked up little things here and there already, like a little doggie statue with a "welcome" sign hanging in its mouth, for my front porch, and been scoping out backyard lawn furniture, a kitchen table set, new livingroom furniture, new bedroom sets...oh, I'm not giving up my california-king-sized-double-pillowtop bed in my bedroom yet, but it's time to upgrade for the other rooms. I've even considered coming into the high-tech world and investing in a flatscreen TV for my livingroom. I'm so old fashioned in that aspect, I still have the box TVs. Hey, they work, and nowadays, I can get a bigscreen big box for dirt cheap, so, why change it? I'm not trying to win a popularity contest for the most high-def equipment. The way I see it, these play just fine, the color quality and picture are in tact, everything works on them, so why in the world would I come off of hundreds of unnecessary dollars for a television when the technology on it will be near extinction within a couple of years and the "next best thing" will be the rave and spend hundreds of dollars on that, when I've got all of the quality I need in $60 32inch big boxes? I've had the one in my livingroom for years (I paid a few hundred dollars then when I bought it for my ex-husband), and the one in my bedroom was a gift after my 27 inch blew out. I feel the same way about blueray. My regular DVD players work just fine. Like I said, if I do invest in the 52inch flatscreen I've got my eye on, that will be a major splurge for me, and probably the last thing on my list to get. No offense to anyone that feels the need to keep up with the times, that's just my personal belief. Either way, little by little I'll have my house just the way I want it. I'm not too keen on the carpet in there now, it's like an ugly beige early 80's type of carpet, but I'll eventually replace it. I'm thinking something along the lines of cherrywood stained linoleum. With me having dogs, the whole "carpet" idea isn't really my forte anyway. The previous owners had a built-in surround cherrywood-looking book shelf/computer desk installed (that was one of my "fell in love with" key points...that, and the huge privacy-fenced backyard), and the kitchen and bathrooms have recently been remodeled/updated, so other than the carpet, I probably won't do too much to the house itself. Oh, and I'll eventually replace the stove. It's a bit outdated too. For the time being, though, as long as all of the electric burners and the oven work, I'm not in a hurry.

I'm excited. Can you see why dating hasn't been a priority? If I'd taken people's advice a long time ago and found something to keep my mind occupied (like I have now), I probably wouldn't have gone through half the shit with men that I've gone through. As a matter of fact I know I wouldn't have. Something about when you strive for more in life, people that are "beneath" you at that point don't really matter anymore, and you don't want to deal with anyone that's not on the same wave length or higher. Yes, I've got a bit of a case of the "big head" now. Not that I think I'm better than anyone, but I'm definitely better than the shit I've allowed myself to go through when it comes to men. I can't really blame them all the way, because if my standards were higher than what they'd been, then I would've said "see ya" without a second thought the moment shit started going south. "You're how old and you have what?" "I'm doing this, this, and this with my life, what are you doing with yours?" "I hope to accomplish this by this time, what are you accomplishing?" Yeah, with this step in my life, my standards just got a little higher.

Eventually I'll get to a point again where I'm lonesome, and my song and dance may change by the time I move, start getting comfortable in my new place, and the newness and excitement of being a homeowner starts to wear off, but I'm enjoying this little cloud that I'm on right now. No worries, no problems. I take that back, I do have problems...99 of them, but right now, a man ain't one.... 

This Means War

Anyone familiar with the country song "I Pray For You" will relate to my feelings about Mason right about now. Sven brought to my attention yesterday that Mason had sent him a message on Facebook. In this message, Mason supposedly copied and pasted an alleged conversation that he and I had, namely this last one where I told him to fuck off and not message me anymore. Sven forwarded the message to me and the first thing I noticed was that alot of the conversation text had been changed. Conveniently, the part where I told him "I don't owe you anything....it's been over 1 1/2 years....I've gotten past/beyond that whole situation, just as you need to do...you need to move on with your life just as I have, and I care that you DON'T FUCKING message me ANYMORE" was left out, and some text referring to me being pregnant and tricking him into sending me some money for an abortion had been inserted. And then, some response to that message had allegedly been sent back to me, of course, a message I never got. Ah, Mason. The tricky bastard. I see he wants to take this to another level. Messaging people close to me. I'm so glad Sven has gotten to know me better than to believe this bastard. I asked Sven to message him back and include the fact of not messaging him anymore. If Sven puts it in writing for Mason not to message him again, any further communication will be considered harassment, and I will SURELY be contacting Mason's Major. I realized that's why Mason must have blocked me on Facebook, because he didn't want me messaging him pertaining to messaging people around me with his bullshit, and changing up the conversation in the process. Well enough. What he didn't configure, though, is that anyone that knows me, knows better to believe his shit. Remember I said people like Mason can bring out the manipulative psychotic vindictive side of me? He's doing a good job of making that dormant side want to come out. I laughed it off when I first read the messages, but then my brain started churning. If he messaged Sven, I'm now wondering if he messaged Allen but he just hasn't told me? Not that it matters, because what's done is done, in Allen's case, and he can believe what he wants to believe, but just the thought that this sick, twisted bastard would do this, and for what reason? Because he's mad that I wouldn't give him another chance? Or is he that hard up for money that he's trying to con me into submission and admitting some shit I didn't do for some money that I don't owe him? Seriously, it's been over 2 years now since Mason and I were together, and I've long gotten over him, but it doesn't seem to be the case for him. My gosh, have I spurned a "jilted" lover myself? Do I now have, what I once wished for, someone who wants me so bad they're willing to go to extremes to get back with me or get back at me for shunning them? They say be careful what you wish for, and that hadn't been a wish in a VERY long time, but, if I wished it, maybe it's coming to fruition long after I've stopped wishing that. Whatever the case may be, I'll just be waiting to see what move is made next. Sven agreed to message Mason back telling him not to message him anymore, so now it's a matter of "fuck Mason, unless he messages again". At which point, Mason will be wishing he'd have just gone on with his life and left me alone, like I warned him to, and he'll regret the day he met me. So far, nobody (that I know of) has ever actually regretted the day they met me, but for once in history, I'm willing to make that happen. If he wants to play dirty, I'm coming with full artillery. None like he's ever seen in his "sheltered" military captain career. A bull's horns can be deadly (Mason's a Taurus) and instantaneous, but a scorpion's sting can be more fatal, because, from what I hear, it's a slow, painful death...one so painful that it makes you wish you were dead long before you die. You don't even feel the venom coursing through your veins, until it reaches the major arteries and organs, and then.......B O O M ! ! !.........

And in Forest Gump's words, "that's all I have to say about that".

Yes, Sven. As I said before, we've been communicating. I added him back to Facebook (I'd deleted him the day we broke up), and now, it's a matter of seeing what will become of us. He's made it clear to me that he misses me badly, and yes, I miss him just as much. The door hasn't been closed in that situation. He's the first of any that managed to keep me from closing it on him. I guess because he's a different kind of guy. As I've mentioned before "they shoulda kept me when they had me, cause once I'm gone, I'm gone", but Sven was smart. He seems to have figured me out already. As long as he keeps in contact with me, the door stays open. I hadn't had the opportunity to be "gone" with him. I admit that I was the first to reach out to him after we broke up, but his reciprocation has been the determining factor. After adding him back on Facebook, I saw on his page where he'd left a message for me the day after we broke up "I thought I was ready for a relationship but I wasn't and had to break up. R, if you ever read this, know that I am truly sorry. You're amazing, and I wish I could have been just as amazing for you". Okay, I have to confess, I saw that message the day he posted it, but just didn't want to admit that I was stalking his page. Anyone could've guessed that I was. His page was private (I'd asked him to set it that way because I have some nosey people on my page that would've been stalking his page when we were together), so he had to have made that particular post "public" just for me to see it. For the first time, since my ex-husband, I can honestly say that someone is displaying real love towards me. Not that "fake" shit where the word just gets tossed around like a rag doll, but a true display. I've heard the "L" word out of the mouth of several men, but none of their actions ever matched. I was talking to a co-worker the other day (bad move, I know) about the fact that in 3 consecutive years I've had 3 failed relationships. All within the time frame of January or February. Of the 3, my co-worker told me that Sven sounded to him to be the only one even worth considering, and the other two, I should've told to "kick rocks" the day it happened and never look back. Smart kid. Maybe that's why I haven't been able to let Sven go, because my head and heart both register that this man had/has REAL feelings for me. Lastnight we had one of our hours-long conversations (crap! I forgot to call Wally back!), and we've decided to take things slow. Regardless of where this road may lead, I can surely say that for twice in my life, I was actually LOVED.

My anxiety level has been on the rise a bit lately. I'm trying to buy a house. Enough said for anyone with the experience. Headache central. I had no idea of all the details home ownership entailed. All the damned numbers and figures...nothing like buying a car. I'm excited to be a first-time home owner, and I know the rewards will be great, I just wish I'd been warned of the stress that comes along with the process. It'll all be worth it in the end, though. Thank God my dad has been close on hand to help walk me through it step-by-step. He's a pro in that arena being that he's purchased homes, property and such. Cross your fingers for me!

Justin is history. I guess because I wouldn't "give him any" he decided to explore other terrain. We were supposed to hit the movies together one day this past week, and the day before, I got a text from him saying

"Hey R this is Justin, I have something to tell you and I hope it doesn't make you too upset or angry, but me and my ex have stayed friends since after the break up and we were talking late last night and early this morning and decided we both do still love each other and always have so we are now back together, I'm sorry if this disappoints you and being an inconvenience"

Good riddance. No, Justin, I'm neither upset, angry, nor disappointed. Maybe just a bit baffled by the fact that a woman 14 years his senior is really that desperate for a man, but not that he's moved on...or rather, gone backwards. Again, to each his own on the age difference factor, and I don't knock anyone for their choices in the matter, I just don't see what a woman who's damned near 40 could want with a man that much younger than her (besides the sex), and other than a mother-figure, the same for him. He did express to me on several occasions, though, that his mom was never really a "mother" to him, and outside of the basics of keeping a roof over his and his siblings heads, and food in their mouths, she did little else. Just typing that gives me an idea of his issues. Like they say about promiscuous women and women that deal with alot of men, "they have 'daddy' issues" (it's been thought about me, but contrare. I'm just a rebel), he seems to have "mommy issues". That wasn't a role I was willing to play in his life, so, the best to them.

"Okay. Thanks for letting me know. Take care of yourself"

was my response. He text again asking why wouldn't he let me know, and I responded that was a good question. Maybe because not all men are mature enough to let a woman that they're supposedly interested in know and just disappear. He responded that he's not that type of guy, and he wished me the best as well. Ehn. It was bound to happen sooner or later. As a result of my unwillingness to "put out", my AAA battery supply is depleting. Oh, well. That's why I bought so many.

Nothing from Will lately. I text him the other day asking if he planned to disappear on me again. His reply was an apology, and alot of shit going on. Typical. I haven't bothered since.

Welp, that's my life-to-date. And between all this madness, I'm just working, religiously going to the gym (stress relief), taking care of my girls (the dogs), and living life. I wonder what next week will have in store. You'll know as soon as I do.

And I Wonder If I Ever Cross Your Mind...

Let's just call me straight out "crazy". I admit it, I am. I have severe psychological issues that I really need to see a specialist for. I'm not being silly, I'm serious. You'd think that I'd learn my lesson of going out of my way to be thoughtful and nice to people that don't deserve the luxury of smelling my shit, but I hadn't. Well, I take that back, this recent experience has left a very sour taste in my mouth, a taste that I don't foresee leaving anytime soon. Today marked the 2 year anniversary of Allen's son's death. Last year, he broke up with me just before the day, and pretty much kicked me in the teeth for the rest of the year, so, why in the sam hell did I feel the need to send him a sympathy card? Being that death is a soft spot for me, especially someone like a child, I couldn't help myself inspite of. I mailed the card one day last week hoping that he'd get it just in time for the 2 year vigil today. It was a simple card that said something about "memories last a lifetime...thinking about you today", along with a poem about a rose blossoming. Nothing extravagant, just simple to let him know I remember. I figured he should have gotten it, so I text him.

Me: I was hoping it would arrive in the mail by today...

Nothing. I know he's probably a wreck at this point, but he could at least acknowledge my text and not leave me hanging. I'll try this again, just in case he didn't get the first one.

Me: So just in case you don't get it right away, I tried to have it post marked in time to have it arrive today. Our thoughts and prayers with you all
Allen: Yes I got it. Haven't read it yet. Thanks.

What the fuck?! That did it. My days of even trying to be cordial with him are completely over. First of all, he didn't have the decency to let me know he got it, second, what the fuck did he mean he "hadn't read it yet"??? That is by far the rudest shit. He could've left that part out. I mean, you don't receive a nice gesture and then tell someone that you're not acknowledging the fact that they did it for you. I mean, if I hadn't text him I may have never known he got it. And before I get blasted about the fact that "he's having a hard day", and for me to consider the situation, I could, but not when he's been on Facebook acknowledging people giving their thoughts to him. Namely, Barbara. Yes, after the texting, I decided to log into good ol' Facebook and see if the vultures were out. Well, first of all, I saw that his current girlfriend posted on his wall the other day "No matter how hard the times may get my love, I will always be here to hold you up", and he "liked" it and wrote "Thanks Babe.....you are the best". Okay, so she's the best this year, when I tried to do the same thing last year and got spit in the face. Okay. I see how he is. Punkass. Then, Barbara, yes, Barbara (it was shocking to see something from her because she hadn't posted on his wall since he and I were together, I don't think) wrote "I am with you today don't forget. Love you" and he "liked" that and wrote "Thanks Barbara. I hope you are feeling better. Love ya". And of course, Jackie had her bits to say on his wall about them being in her thoughts and her loving and missing him. He hadn't responded to that yet. I know it may sound extremely selfish of me to be thinking like this on a day like this, and maybe I shouldn't be, but I know if someone is reaching out to me at a time like this, I'm going to at least be responsive and not just blow them off.

Wally: You're an irritant to him
Me: What do you mean I'm an irritant to him?
Wally: Okay, I hate to be the one to say it, but when will you learn that he just doesn't want to be bothered with you? He doesn't want anything to do with you
Me: That's a crappy thing. See, that's what I don't understand. HE broke up with ME, and I'm yet the one trying to extend the olive branch. What did I do to him that's so horrible that he treats me like crap, but not any of the other females?
Wally: It doesn't matter
Me: Yes, it does. I mean, I'd really like to know why I keep getting treated like this
Wally: No, it doesn't. You remember I told you that you may never get any answers? Well, this may be one of those times. Hopefully now you'll realize what he is, move on and leave him be

Wally's words took a moment to sink in, but I finally got it. No, I may never know why of all the females Allen deals with, I'm the victim of his assholeship, but Wally's right. It doesn't matter. I realize now that you just can't be nice to some people. Some would argue that I'm not over Allen, and if I wasn't then, I am now. Seeing how he's responding differently with this girlfriend at this time versus how he kicked all of my teeth out at this same time last year, then he sent me a "cold" sounding text, yeah, even I have my limits. Last year he was "too busy with his jobs, dealing with his son's death, and wasn't ready to give up his freedom", but just a few months later, his whole tune changed. As the saying goes, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them". Allen showed me a long time ago who he is, it's sad that it took a year and an incident as simple as him not reading a card for me to believe it. I take that back, I believed it then, but my denial period is up. (And yes, there was some anger, bitterness, and jealousy because of these things...but again, it doesn't matter)

Anyway.

Sven and I have been communicating. He's even gone so far as to tell me that he's been miserable without me, and part of him wants to beg me to take him back, but part of him thinks that we wouldn't work. I have to admit, I've missed the shit out of him, but the negativity of thinking that it probably wouldn't work again, that's probably the way it would be. I'm sorry, but when I go into a relationship, I don't look at the "what if it doesn't work out?" factor. I like to believe that it will, because if you think it won't, then it won't. You can think that it will, and it not, but if you go into it thinking like that, then that's the way it will be. It does feel good, though, knowing that someone misses being with me. He's the first guy (besides my ex-husband) that's ever told me that, and that kind of lets me know that I may not be such a bad girlfriend afterall. That, or he has issues just as bad as I do so he doesn't know the difference. Okay, that was a joke, but it has some truth to it. I can't say that we won't ever give it another go, but his mentality towards things would definitely have to change. Right now in my life, I have no room for negativity, and I'm locking myself in a little shell of not dealing with it unnecessarily. From anyone. I'm even trying to watch my level of negativity.

Justin is still hanging on. He's still trying to get in on my extra good side, even going so far as to ask me if I'd ever consider him to be a "buddy". He got a solid "no", but he refuses to go anywhere, so I'll just let him stick around til I get tired of him, or find someone else. From the looks of things, though, the former may happen sooner.

I finally messaged Mason back letting him know that I've moved on with my life, just as he needs to do, leave me the fuck alone and to stop messaging me. He blocked me on Facebook. Good. Saved me the hassle of doing it. His brother and I still talk. As a matter of fact, I'm wondering what his brother's MO is, because he's been texting me and calling me alot lately. Nope, that's not an avenue I'm going down, but it does kinda lighten my mood to hear how beautiful and sexy I am from a man who's brother I used to date. Ha. I'm not one for keeping it in the family, but I'll take the compliments.

Can't forget about Will. Needless to say, whatever he had going on with that girl is over. She deleted him and the posts she'd put on his Facebook. Well, I don't know who deleted who, but they're definitely not Facebook friends anymore, and suddenly, he's been texting me again. Hmmm. Strange sequence of events. That's how I know what's going on, because he text me, so I had to go see what crap they were going through. And of course she's been writing on her wall about people being assholes, and someone missing their well when their water runs dry, and dealing with shit from people that they'll get back...she's taking this pretty hard. Can't say I blame her, because I've been in her shoes a few times. I know exactly how it feels to invest all of yourself into someone just to have them shit on you. I actually feel sorry for her. We live and learn. So, I've returned the texts, but, that's as far as anything with Will will go. He fucked up by blowing me off. First time, shame on you, second time, shame on me...I don't take too well to shame-on-me's.

You know, there are very few people in life that get a second chance with me, and that's not just in relationships, that's period. I hold grudges. I don't forgive easily. And I damned sure don't allow someone who shit on me the opportunity to do it again. I lost a really good friend last year after the whole "Allen" thing because he treated his girlfriend the exact same way Allen did me, and I disassociated myself from him. He was like a brother, and he's been trying to get in good again, but I'm leery because I don't condone people that shit on other people. The jury is still out as to whether I'll befriend him again.

I guess we'll all find out together how these things will play out....

I'll Just "Build" Myself The "Perfect" Man

Well, my faithful readers, another day, another thought, another blog post. I wonder if any of you get a kick out of my "downtimes" as much as I do? Times when I absolutely have too much time on my hands to think...times when I miss being so far from my family. Here's a thing, though, I miss them when I'm not around them, but after so long of being around them, I'm ready to escape back into the confines of my own little world of serenity...which is, arguably, being alone in Oklahoma. The pros and the cons of moving back to Texas have been weighing on my mind recently, but the actions towards the steps of actually doing it aren't coming to fruition. I guess because I've become comfortable here. I'm yet close enough to where I can get to them when I want to or if I need to, yet far enough to where I truly feel like an established adult out in the world making it on my own. Years ago after Anthony and I broke up, if you'd asked me if I'd thought I'd have still been living in Oklahoma, the answer would have probably been a solid no, but, yet, I've had no motivations to move anywhere else. Of course, I've come close, like when Mason and I discussed me moving to Kansas, or when I was seconds from moving to Nebraska to be closer to Allen, but being that none of those situations panned out, I've come to realize that maybe I'm in Oklahoma for a reason. I've yet to determine the exact reasons as to why I seem to be "stuck" here, but for whatever reason or reasons, my stability is very much a comfort to me right now. So, for now and the foreseeable future, I'll continue to ride it out as an "Okie", and stay in my little "complacent" zone.

Now, I'm done with the whole philosophical venting. Truth be told, I'm very much missing Sven right about now. The whole break up is still fresh (it's only been 2 days), and the routine that we'd established of talking on a regular basis had me so accustomed, that yesterday I deleted his number from my phone to keep from calling him. We had awesome chemistry and a very real emotional connection, and to say that I won't miss that would be an outright lie. I'm kind of feeling it at this point. No, the sexual compatibility wasn't there as I would have liked for it to be, but we were close on so many other levels, we could talk to each other about any and everything, which we did, hours upon hours on the phone together when he wasn't in Oklahoma or I wasn't in New Mexico (it was actually my turn to visit him this week) or we weren't in Amarillo. Every conversation was enlightening for me, and I looked forward to every one of them. For the entire month that we were "officially" a couple, I felt more secure with him than I had with any guy that I can ever recall. The PDA, just being able to snuggle up to him, and the assurance in his voice if something wasn't right in my world for a moment. What I learned in that relationship was that sex, although an important part of a relationship, isn't..........ah, well, I never thought I'd think this, but it really isn't..........everything. And even though he may not have been able to be there for me in that manner as much as he'd have probably desired to be, he definitely offered the emotional and mental connection, and that's something I'd been missing from my very 'first' "love" at the age of 14, until now. Alot of times, a person doesn't realize how important something is, until they no longer have it, and it didn't take me long to realize it. No, I didn't want to deal with the ex-wife, and yes, I wanted to have as much sex as possible, and if it weren't for those two factors, we'd have had the "perfect" relationship. As I mentioned to my cousin just earlier today, I can "physically" connect with anyone (that's never been a problem), but an emotional connection runs so much deeper and holds so much more value. One could argue that the need for sexual satisfaction would probably eventually get the best of me (as you've probably guessed, I can be quite the "horn dog"), but I've had a great share of it, and when I hit menopause age in the VERY FAR (hehe) future, sex probably won't even be something I think about very often. So then what will I have if there's no mental/emotional connection or compatibility? Oh, well. Que' cera cera.

The thing with Justin isn't going anywhere. The more I talk to him, the more I realize he's not even a candidate to be the next Lawrence. I can't even envision having sex with him. For starters, the things I could do to him would probably blow his mind, and then I'd have to deal with his little version of being in "puppy love", and really, I don't want to even bother with it. Granted, his age plays a role in the maturity factor, but I just don't think I like him. I've realized that he's become just "something to do" to bid my time until someone else comes along and catches my attention. Yes, Justin has a great body, yes, he's a cutie, and yes, he'll probably be alot of fun to go to a rock concert with (by the way, he invited me to one with him in a couple of weeks...I've never even heard of the band), but to sit and have a heart-to-heart conversation, to have someone to "get" me and I "get" him, to have that overall general "click", he's not it. He doesn't do it for me. That alone has turned off him doing it for me physically as well. So, while I'm in pursuit of my next "buddy", I've made sure to replenish my supply of AAA batteries. We had them on sale at work this week, 24 pack of Duracell Ultra for $4.99 with my employee discount and a coupon. I bought 3 packs.

While I'm on the subject of buddies, I found myself making a ride by Lawrence's apartment early this morning when I got off of work. His car wasn't there, and I have no idea if he's moved or what. I haven't had a conversation with him since November, and before he got this girlfriend (I'm assuming they're still together because I haven't heard from him), I would have surely been right at his place sometime today. He was always my "go to" guy when I'd be in the dumps. Something about our wild sexcapades always seemed to change my mood. I think he knew that, that's why he always came through for me. He liked me, and I liked him, but as I've stated so many times before, that damned age difference just got me.

Okay, if I had to describe and if I could "build" my "perfect guy", you know, like that experiment on the movie Weird Science, this is what he would be:

**Jake Gyllenhaal's facial features (I'm so in love with this man!!)
**Ryan Gosseling's body & build (I'm quickly becoming a fan)
**Jonah Hill's humor
**John's work ethic
**Daniel's parenting ethic
**Allen's smile & family ethic
**Sven's connection ability, fidelity, & "whatever makes my woman happy" mentality
**Mason's charm
**Wally's charisma, chivalry, respect, & "choose your battles wisely" mentality
**Anthony's....okay, scratch that...there's nothing about Anthony that I remember fondly
**Ron's "clingyness"
**Will's voice
and
**Lawrence's sex


There. That's my "perfect" man. And he'd be ALL MINE! I like that thought. "If I build him...he will come (and he will surely 'cum' as well..hehe) (okay, that was just me being dirty right there..shows where my mind is right now)...." Wishful thinking. As if that type of technology existed on my Dell computer. For all of the men that I've written about that I didn't list, there's nothing about them that I'd throw into the pie. In other words, I'm wondering "why the hell did I ever bother?". Granted, of the men that I've listed above (with the exception of the first 3, whom I don't personally know), there are several other positive attributes of theirs that I'd mix in as well, but the qualities listed are the forerunners on what stands out with me and what my idea of my ideal guy is. Too bad he probably doesn't exist. If he does, he just hasn't found me yet. (Hey, if anyone knows of where I can find the software or hardware, or whatever I need to design, develope, and print him out, please let me know..thank you!)

Ha, I'm so feeling some Michael Buble right now. I can hear the song "I Just Haven't Met You Yet" playing in my head. I think that song will be my new theme song for the time (I think I'll go download it, too). In the mean time, life goes on.

Until the next post, my faithfuls!