Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Hello?? Is This Thing On??

Ahoy there, people of blogsville! So, the last 3 months have flown by, and I haven't kept you in the loop as to what's going on in the world of "R". My apologies for that, but rest assured, I shall bring you up to speed today, and condense 3 months worth of shit into 1 post. How you like that idea? Try to keep up, though, and make sure your reading eyes are on, because although I plan to make it short-n-to-the-point, there's still alot to cram in....So, ready?! Good, I hope so.

Okay, I've been in my new house going on 3 months now. Thankfully, I was able to bypass Mitch's original "beer & dinner" option for moving, and dished out $20 each and a few large pizzas to Ron and Daniel in exchange for their services. I'm truly grateful to the Higher Power for looking out for me on that one. He knew I didn't want to deal with Mitch, hell, I don't think I even necessarily want him to know where I live. Once the word got out that I was moving, Ron and Daniel both offered their services, free of charge, and although "free" was ideal, my ethics wouldn't let me take advantage of that, hence, the $20 to cover their gas and a mini pizza party. Moving didn't take long. I started on a Friday around noon, and was completely unpacked and settled in by that Sunday night. I love my house, my girls love their yard, and all is just gravy (with the exception that my hot water tank went out the other day and a plumber is on his way as I type to check it out...thank God for the 1 year warranty the previous owner paid for!). I'm still working 2 jobs, still trying to decide on new furniture (boy, furniture shopping is harder than I thought!), but broke down and bought a 37' flatscreen TV for my bedroom. I know, I know, all of the ranting I did about not keeping up with the times, and I caved. I have a very good reason for that, though. The picture rolled at the top of the screen on the TV that Eric had given me, so I put that TV in my 2nd bedroom..plus, there's alot more space in there for me to do my INSANITY (yes, I've gone there..well, went there...for a whole 4 days) workouts.

Okay, now to bring you up to speed on the real shit.

Remember Mr. "smells oh-so-damned-good" that I'd mentioned works at my 2nd job? Well, I determined he's not even attractive to me anymore. So, maybe I fudged the truth a little when I said I'd never let him touch this, because I would have turned his world out. Just because he smells good. And he's cute. However, I found out that he's never been with a black girl before, therefore, I don't have the time to school his stupid ass. And his attitude sucks. He's very cocky, and that, to me, is enough to shut up shop. So, he was "x"ed just as quickly as he was considered.

In the midst of this, a sexy someone walked into my 2nd job looking for one of the girls that works with me. "Damn" was all I thought. I can only describe him in 1 word: HOT. I had no clue who this sexiness was that was asking for my co-worker, but I made no secret of asking her, right in front of him. Turns out, he was her brother! We'll call him "Brent". I guess Brent was a little surprised at my boldness, but he smiled at me the whole time, and confirmed that my co-worker was just his sister. He also made it a point of letting me know that he noticed me noticing him. Oh, well, I'm not shy about it. Shortly after he left, my co-worker got a text from him saying "your co-worker is cute". That was all I needed to get the ball rolling. I had her text him my number.

It took Brent 2 days to contact me, but when he did, we hit it off amazingly. I had to go there and ask how old he was, though. If you thought I had a problem with mine and Lawrence's 6 year age difference, Brent is 7 years younger. Shit. He looks my age. Why can't I find a guy closer to my age?! Oh, well. He said he didn't have a problem with the age difference, but, here we go again with being unfamiliar with black girls. Am I the singled out guinea pig for this sort of shit?? Really?! The difference between Brent and Mr. "smells-so-damned-good", though, is Brent is classified as "sexy". "Smells good" is just cute. And very skinny. Brent is more on my level when it comes to attitude and way of thinking. At least I thought he was. We spent almost 3 weeks constantly talking and texting (don't worry, Sven got his time in there, too), and couldn't wait for both our schedules to allow us to finally hang out with each other. The only problem was I sorta knew in the back of my mind that this wouldn't escalate to anything beyond him possibly being my next Lawrence. Turns out, Brent had just gotten out of jail for a felony a few weeks before we met. I won't elaborate on it, but let's just say, his future is pretty much fucked for quite a few years, and I've got too much to lose. He damned sure would've made a hell of a lover, though. I'd told him pretty much from the beginning that I wasn't looking for anything serious, and he said that he wasn't either, but we agreed that we could surely have fun together.

The thing that fucked him was the day we'd finally arranged to be able to get together, we were supposed to do lunch, hit a movie, then a hockey game, and the rest we'd play by ear. We'd been planning it for over a week. The day before we were to hang out, he told me that he'd be helping his dad work on a car that next morning, but would call me when he was done. I told him I would schedule the movie around that time. That day came and went. The next day came and went. 3 days after we were supposed to hang out, I sent him a 1 word text: "WOW". That was all I could say. I hadn't bothered to contact him before, because what I've finally let sink in and come to terms with is if a man wants to deal with me, he will. I don't have to chase him down no matter how bad I want to fuck him. Sorry Ass didn't even respond to that text. I waited another day and sent him a text telling him that if he'd changed his mind about hanging out all he had to do was tell me, but his silence wasn't cool, I thought he was better than that. He responded to that text telling me that he waited for me to contact him, but it was whatever. How the fuck was he waiting for me when the agreement was for him to call me when he was done working on the car? and I asked him that. Didn't hear from him anymore. But I did see on his Facebook page a little over a week later that he was "in a relationship" with some other girl. That explained it. When, where, and how this chick came on the scene is beyond me, but, oh well. I deleted his number.

So, there I was again. Sven never let me down. As a matter of fact, I started missing him a little more, and wishing that he lived closer. A little after I'd sworn off Brent, lo-and-behold, I get a text from a local number:

"I hope you're doing ok. I'm sorry for the way things happened and I don't blame you if you don't respond to this and never want to speak to me again. Me and my girlfriend broke up, and I just wanted to know if me and you could at least be friends"

I had to laugh. I knew who it was, but I wanted to play with him just the way he tried to play me.

Me: Okay, who is this?
Him: Justin
Me: Oh, well I'm sorry to hear about your break up
Justin: It was for the best. I got tired of her shit. So I guess you don't mind talking to me again?

Do I, don't I. Hell, I'm fucking horny. I haven't had any dick since February, and this "toy" shit is getting old. Right now, I'm not worried about a 10 year age difference.

Me: I guess not
Justin: Thank you. We never should have stopped talking
Me: Whatever. What's up?
Justin: Hey, you still want to take me up on that dinner and movie?
Me: Maybe. I'll let you know when I can
Justin: Ok. Let me know when you have time. You not mad at me?
Me: Never was mad, and I'll let you know
Justin: Ok. I'm looking forward to it

I was fucking him a few days later. We never did do the whole "dinner" thing. It was a movie, the pool hall, the corner store (for some condoms), then my house. It's amazing how much alcohol can make you release inhibitions. I made it clear to him again that I didn't want a relationship, I just wanted a cool "buddy". We'd had that conversation before when we first met, and he agreed that that's all we'd have. I have to give it to him, although he's insecure about his size and his abilities (he's expressed to me that he is), he's yet to disappoint me.

It's been told to me that I'd better be careful, because although he and I both said we didn't want relationships, his constant texting and always wanting to be around me, and getting offended when I'd rather hang out with my other friends sometimes (I've managed to squeeze in a few movie dates with one of my female friends), and wanting me to go to Arkansas with him to meet his family, could be saying different. I don't know. I'm not a man to figure out the male psyche like that. All I know is what he said. He could just be sprung. I only get to see him once or twice a week because we have polar work schedules, but when I need him to deliver, he'll put his sleep on hold to come through for me. I appreciate that in him. I appreciate that he appreciates what he's getting from me.

Justin's come a long way in the couple of months that we've been hanging out. He made me feel good the other day when he told me that I'm turning him into a "man". What he means is because I enforce him opening doors for me, I let him take the upper hand when going somewhere, taught him how to balance his checkbook, I talk to him and not at him, and I don't act all silly and air-headed like the females he's used to dealing with. Don't get me wrong, we have loads of fun together, like going to Walmart's toy department and throwing a frisbee around, or seeing who can tickle each other the most...we have our fun times, but I'm glad he realizes I'm not just "some broad" he's knocking off..I'm a lady and to be respected as such. He does a very good job of it. See, just from him telling me that, I realized that he was looking for a mother figure. As I'd said before, according to him, his mother basically just kept a roof over his and his sibling's heads, and kept food in their mouths. Life's lessons, he's having to learn on his own. The lesson that landed him in jail was the hardest.

I don't know how long Justin's and my fling will last, but I'm enjoying it while it is. Lawrence's shoes have been filled for the time being, but nobody will ever be Lawrence. Justin comes damned close, but that was an indescribable period in my life that may never be duplicated. Of course, there are several times that I pray won't ever be duplicated, but I just live one day at a time, and take it as such.

Sven is doing well. We still have our pretty much daily conversations. Unfortunately, they're not as long as they once were, but I attribute that to the fact that one or both of us is always needing to get some sleep. He's been out here to see my house since I moved in, and he likes it. I won't deny that I still have feelings for him. How can I not? The man is attentive to me mentally and emotionally. I'm still not sure where our road is heading, either. Once again, I'm just taking one day at a time.

I've been contemplating if I'm ready for a serious relationship again. A few co-workers at my 2nd job and I were discussing that very topic the other day. I'm still leery, because I can't shake the thought that I'm always the one that walks away wounded, and I don't quite know if I'm ready to put myself out there for that to happen again. I mean, don't get me wrong, the thought of being with someone, just me and them, is beyond wonderful, but at this point, is that what I really want right now? Am I ready for that again? Or am I just in love with the thought of having that? Still something I'm trying to figure out, and I guess until I'm able to answer that question with a firm "yes", I guess that means I'm not. Seriously, though, with the way I work, I don't know where I'd find the time to try and make a relationship work. Right now, I wouldn't be able to spend as much quality time with my man as I'd want to, and that can be very taxing.

I don't know. All I do know is that my dogs are worn out from barking at the plumber, my hot water tank is working again (it was just a bad thermal couple (?) that he had to replace..that was fast), and I'm about to go take a hot shower...


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