It's All Really Bullshit....Really

"Easy come, easy go" has become my go-to phrase. Yup, you guessed it. As of lastnight, Justin has kicked rocks. See, that's the problem I seem to have, and in need of a remedy for it. Maybe someone, somewhere can riddle me this: why is it that when I was gung-ho about having a relationship, I seemed to constantly come in contact with comittment phoebs, but now that the roles have been reversed, everybody wants to settle down?! Can anyone answer that for me? Is that question even answerable? Seriously?! Where were these nowadays "noble" knights when I was standing in the castle window being Rupunzel? YES, I'm gun shy. How does the saying go, "once bitten, twice shy"? Double up on that "shy" for as many times as I've been bitten. My faithfuls, you're in for another long read, so you might as well get ready for it...

I have to rewind a bit before I go forward. Justin and I had the agreement that we were strictly fuck buddies. I didn't have a problem with it, and I assumed he didn't either, otherwise he wouldn't have agreed to the arrangement. Simple, I come pick you up (he's working on getting a ride), we hang out, you dick me down, I take you home. That was that. I'm guessing that somewhere along the line, our communication got crossed, because he started saying we were "dating", and I referred to us as "friends..with benefits". Somewhere along that same line, Justin started occassionally experiencing a few "issues" when it came time to do the do. Now, because he'd always been so good at delivery, the few times we'd experienced nondelivery, I was easy to dismiss it as him being tired from working so much. Don't think it didn't bother me a bit, though, in the aspect of wondering if he was losing attraction for me. He tried everything in his power to assure me that it's not me (so much so to where he ordered $120 worth of pills on the internet that he had delivered to my house), it's him, but like I explained to him, "put the shoe on the other foot, and tell me how you'd feel if you were doing everything you could, and I either couldn't get wet or couldn't cum...how would that make you feel?" That seemed to be our experience the last few times we attempted conjugation. I think I got part of my answer yesterday when he came over.

He was sitting on my couch, I walked up behind him to kiss him on the top of his head, and he was in the process of texting some other chick talking about possibly hanging out that day. What the FUCK?! Okay, now I'm well aware of the ethics in the "booty buddy" creed, but I found that to be a bit disrespectful, plus, I was trying to figure out how he was gonna manage to hang out with her if he was at my house, AND I was taking him to work lastnight. I got a bit peaved and told him if he wanted to go hang out with someone else, I had no problem taking him home so he could do that. Of course, that lead to his denial of that being anything other than a text and a friend, and doing everything he could to make sure I wasn't mad at him. I told him I didn't have anything to be mad about, and he told me that I didn't. I let it go.

He had no problem with delivery, although he came alot quicker than normal. He blamed it on us not having sex in over a week. Yeah. Okay. What the fuck ever. After we'd done our thing, and I was taking him to work, he, not we, had a nice little discussion. For once in history, I was quiet and just listened. He tells me that I'm confusing him because I say I don't want a relationship, yet he feels I'm treating him like a boyfriend. He may have had a point. I might have started crossing the line a little by buying him little "just because" things here and there, and being inwardly frustrated at the fact that he was dealing with other females (although I can NOT excuse him texting one from my house...this is MY house, and MY time! He can do that shit all he wants away from me!). I had alot to think about on my drive home. I'd been kind of sensing that I may have been getting a little too into him, something I forbid myself to do, 1, because of the age difference, and 2, because I just bought this house and can't just up and move to somewhere that he's allowed to live. Yeah, the state of Oklahoma is VERY strict on living arrangements for felons of his nature. That's as much as I'm going to say about his ordeal. All I know is I looked at it like this, he takes care of me, I take care of him, but maybe I was in violation of the code. Shit. Time to break away.

Later lastnight, I sent him a text telling him that he was right. I may have been sending mixed signals, but I'm just doing me. I apologized and told him he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. He texts back asking if we could at least still be friends. Okay, in what sense of the word? He says whatever sense I want it to be. More thinking. Naa. I'll pass. If he's realized that I'm starting to get attached, then I need to break completely free. I send him a text telling him that when we met I didn't expect ANYTHING between us, especially after he got back together with his ex, but when we reconnected I had no expectations other than fucking, I still don't want a relationship, however, I didn't appreciate the disrespect yesterday. Then I asked him if he wanted things to continue the way they'd been going with me going back to the way I was, or if he just wants to cut out the fucking and just be friends. He text "I would like to be friends for now and not feel like we have to have sex whenever we hangout if that's ok with you?". The hell it is. If I'm not getting any dick from him, he serves me no purpose. I simply text back "ok". He text again asking if we will still hang out because he enjoys my company. I'm not responding. I'm not sure (or maybe I am) why he had a change of heart from our arrangement, but, oh well. He'll get the message.

And that is that for Justin's 15 minutes of fame in my life. Once again, I'm a SBFISO my next Lawrence. And in the mean time, my battery supply won't go low.

Now, I did warn you that this would be a rather long post, didn't I? That's because I have to take you back to visit yet ANOTHER situation.

Meet "Stan". He's one of Barbara's ex-boyfriends. You know that vindictive side of me that I mentioned like a long long time ago? Well, when Allen and I were dating, and Barbara was doing all that disrespectful shit, I took it upon myself to do a little internet research. Several hours and links later, I came across Stan's name as the boyfriend she was dealing with while she was hot on the trail of Allen. A few months after Allen and I broke up, I did me, went on Facebook, found Stan, and sent him a nice little message letting him know what a cunt his ex-girlfriend is. It took him 9 months to respond to me, but boy has this been an informative acquaintanceship. Come to find out, he and Barbara broke up shortly before/after (I can't remember which) Allen and I started dating, but he'd been pining over her for almost 2 years. I don't know why. The bitch is a beast...not in the good sense. Anyway, the little thoughts I had of more going on between Allen and Barbara than Allen would admit? Well, Stan confirmed for me that Barbara spent the Valentine's day in Nebraska when I was supposed to be there. SON OF A MUTHERFUCKER!!! I KNEW IT!! That lying, cheating, no good, dirty, sorry bastard!! Oh yeah. I threw a nice fit. I don't know what I was more pissed about, the fact that he'd been lying to and cheating on me all along, or the fact that I was stupid enough to ever try giving him the benefit of the doubt. Sorry, Mom's..I'm +1 now. Stan and I exchanged information for all that we knew, and I was able to draw my conclusion that I'm stupid as hell. One of these days, I'll listen to my dad. And my guy friends. And my cousin. And everyone else that saw how the flags were there all along, yet I chose to ignore them. Needless to say, the revelation GREATLY helped my healing process. Just for shits-n-giggles, after almost 3 months (I admit, I hadn't deleted Allen's number, and when I sent a mass text to people inviting them to come see my new house, he responded that he "can't make any promises, but congratulations, and if we can make it, we will". Who the fuck is "we"? I deleted him then..the trouble is, I'd memorized his number...shit) I sent Allen a text just saying "hi" and I hoped he was well. He responded 24 hours later saying he was doing very well, and he hoped I was too. Fuck him. I just wish there was a way to let his sorry ass know that I know about him. Not like it would matter to him, but I'd have the satisfaction of letting him know that I know. Him and his current ugly-ass girlfriend can have a nice life. That bitch is fucked up in the head, too. Any Facebookers know that when someone writes on or tags something to a friend's page, it shows in your stream, you can tell his stupid ass girlfriend ain't right in the head from some of the shit she posts to his wall, and some of the shit she links his name to. HA! I realized I have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to ever be jealous of when it comes to THAT relationship. He definitely went down-hill with this one, cause she's fucked up ALL the way around, looks and all! He's a lying cheat, she's a stupid broad. Perfect couple, if you ask me. The sad part is this current girlfriend actually kinda resembles his ex-wife...if after she'd been beaten in the face with an ugly stick, rode hard, and put away wet. I'm no stark raving beauty, but, boy, I tell ya...this one's not cute AT ALL! And one last jab...I know that I have some issues, but this bitch is psychotic...I just seriously sense that about her. I've been tempted to see if I can check out her page and see if I can be proven right (surprise, surprise that I hadn't done it yet after all this time). Naa. It's not even worth it, my time is too valuable. And for some reason, I actually kinda don't really give a shit, either. I give him props, though. He's managed to drag this one out 8 or so months. Kudos to him. Ah, and I can tell that his family isn't crazy about her, either. One of his brothers-in-law posted something about people talking shit (not verbatum) on their page about people in his family and he didn't appreciate it. Well, when I went to his page, I noticed that where it says "so-and-so and so-and-so are now friends", her name was gone from that list. Hmmm. I wonder if it had anything to do with Allen's ex-wife, because she "liked" his status, and not long after, the girlfriend's name disappeared from Allen's daughter's page as well. She's not making a fan of the family. Maybe that's why he's posting stupid shit like "I miss my Queen" on his page with a :(. Strange. Nobody ever seems to "like" those status updates, yet he'll have lots of "likes" for everything else (even if he said "I've  got to take a major shit" he'd probably get 15-20 "likes"). Funny that although the ex-wife and I had that brief situation, we were cool in the same environment. Just goes to prove my point.

I told you you should've been prepared to read. I know someone out there somewhere is enjoying reading about all my drama and thanking their lucky stars they're either NOT like me, or because they're JUST like me, can relate, and know they're not alone in the world...that's why i write about it. I've spent my morning on here, knowing that I worked all night lastnight, and I have to be up again in a few hours because I work both jobs today. I'm a bit tired, too. This shit with Justin, the fact that I'm coming to realize that I think I actually AM jaded, bitter, comittment phoebed...it's all really bullshit really. But you'll know, I'll be back soon with plenty more....Until then, my Faithfuls...