Hello again, faithful bloggers! I bet you didn't expect to see me on here so soon, did you? Me being here is inevitable (as so it seems), but the short period of time was unexpected, even for my normal standards. Guess it's just the luck of the draw in my life. However, I will say that for some unknown reason it's not as hard to reminisce any longer.
What brings me here today? The demise of Sven's and my relationship earlier today. I won't go into the detrimental details, as I'd given him my word that I'd never exclusively broadcast (and I'm a woman of my word, regardless), but the summary is 1) the discovery that we're not sexually compatible (I won't elaborate, except to say that I never realized how expensive prescription "aids" are...over the counter, not an option), and 2) there's a little too close of a relationship between him and his ex-wife, one that I wasn't necessarily comfortable with (but wasn't going to make a fuss about...yet...unless it didn't start to dissipate the closer we got), considering they have no children, and he had a girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, my ex-husband and I are on good terms and talk periodically, but there's a limit, and there are boundaries when there's a relationship with someone else. That's that, and all I'm going to say about it. I don't have anything negative to say about Sven. He's a good guy, and every woman's dream when it comes to a man that's emotionally "in tune" with and supportive of a female, and I liked him. Alot. But, alas, our time has run it's course, and I wish him all of the best.
Perhaps I had a pre-break up "glimpse", because under normal circumstances, I'm completely out of the loop with any other guy when I'm in a relationship, unless I have reason to doubt his fidelity. I've never doubted Sven's, so, why a couple of days after he left Oklahoma from us spending a glorious Valentine's Day week together, did I suddenly get an "uh oh" type of feeling? Not the "something's going on" as in the "he's cheating" type of feeling (my radar never even clicked on to that thought with Sven), but the "something's not right" as in "what the hell is this feeling?" type of feeling that gave me a bit of an unfamiliar sink in my gut.
The Saturday after Valentine's Day, I decided to catch a triple feature at the movies. Ghost Rider: Revenge was the second movie I saw (for those that haven't seen it yet, especially in 3D, please, don't waste your money...disappointing is an understatement.."festering horse shit" is more like it, exception, that's insulting to the horse shit). Enter "Justin". I had just gotten comfortable (4th row from the top, second to the end seat) had just put on my "expensive" theater 3D glasses, and began nibbling on my cinnamon sugar pretzel, when two guys are suddenly saying "excuse me" to get through to the seats next to mine. It was dark, as the lights had gone dim to begin the trailers, and my eyes hadn't adjusted very well, but I could see that one of the guys was white, the other was black, and they were obviously there together. Once I let them through, I glanced down their way, and noticed that the white boy (for what I could see in the dark) appeared to be cute. I couldn't see details of him, but his silhouette passing in front of the screen when he was sliding through showed enough for me to realize he had a nice build, and he left a "smell good" scent behind. As my eyes adjusted a little more, I could see him a bit better, and even though he was 3 seats down from me, I saw that he was definitely a cutie. I forced myself not to keep looking his way, even when he leaned forward in his seat, but it was rather hard avoiding it. I maintained in my head that I had a boyfriend, and it was inappropriate to be gawking another man, but I caught myself "nibbling" on my pretzel, trying to be dainty about it, so that if he looked down at me (which he never did), he wouldn't see me stuffing my face.
Fast forward to after the movie. I like to remain until after the credits, just in case there are any special features that play, and I was still seated when his friend and he crossed back. On his way through, he looked down at me and smiled. I heard a soft "hello" come out of his mouth, so I smiled back, and nodded a "hello" in return. I noticed that once they got to the bottom of the stairs, they both hesitated, he said something to his friend, and they both looked my way. I smiled again and quickly started making myself appear to be getting my "things" together (which consisted of my annual refill cup, my pretzel trash, and my 3D glasses wrapper), and tried to avoid looking their way anymore. They finally proceeded to the exit, but he glanced back a time or two. I remained in my seat a while longer (there were no special features) hoping that they'd have cleared the hallway by the time I made it out of the theatre so I wouldn't have to see him again. At that point, I couldn't wait to get out of there and call Sven, though. I needed to hear his awkward, crackly voice something fierce to remind me what I already had. No such luck. The moment I exited, I was caught off guard by a "so, what did you think of the movie?". I knew who it was. "I've seen better" I smiled, and forced myself to keep walking, hoping he'd get the hint. He picked up stride next to me.
Justin: Oh yeah? Yeah, I've seen better, too. But I can't wait for that new Titans movie to come out
Me: Yeah, me neither
Justin: You plan on seeing it in 3D?
(what the hell? is this guy not getting the hint that I haven't stopped walking?)
Me: More than likely. I have 2 other pair of 3D glasses in my car now that I'll probably never use, so I'll sneak someone else in with me and get 2 for the price of 1 then
Justin: (laughing) Right. Oh, by the way, my name is Justin
(he'd stopped and extended his hand. The only polite thing to do was the same)
Me: R
Justin: Nice to meet you, R. You come to this theater often?
Me: Yeah, this is my regular little hang out spot when I'm bored. I should invest stock in this theater. Between the ticket prices and the concessions, I could replenish my spendings in no time
Justin: (laughing) I'll bet
Me: I'm actually running late getting into my next movie. It started 5 minutes ago, and I've got to go get my popcorn and drink refill, so, you have a good one
Justin: Well, hey, do you have a phone number or something? Maybe we can see the Titan movie together
(here's that "uh oh" feeling moment I mentioned. Shit)
Me: Uhm, yeah
He pulled out his cell phone, and plugged my number in as I gave it to him. Totally out of character for me to have done that. That's the beginning of the time when I knew something just wasn't right. With his words that he'd be in contact, I hurried away to the concession stand without so much of a glance behind me. "That wasn't anything. He'll never use my number, so what am I tripping about?" I thought. I encouraged myself with the thought of knowing that even though I hadn't been to the gym in a while (Sven said I didn't need to go anymore..I look good just as I am), I was still attractive. That's all that was. An ego boost.
After my movie, I rushed to my car and called Sven, which settled me considerably. I quickly dismissed the thought that I'd ever hear from Justin, and forgave myself (and swore not to do it again) for crossing that line of giving another man my phone number when I finally had a good boyfriend. I didn't tell Sven about my encounter, as, in my mind, there was no need to, because again, that was nothing. Wrong. Justin text me later that night. It was nothing major. Just a casual "are you busy" type of text. I responded thinking that would be the end of it. Wrong again. He called. Oh my geeze! What have I gotten myself into?? I needed to shut that down. Fast. This whole scenario was wrong. I figured I'd stop this cold when I asked how old he was. He looked extremely young, so I just knew that our age difference would be a deterring factor for him. I was right. He's 10 years younger. Oh, shit. When I tell him how old I am, I won't hear from him anymore. Damn. Third strike. Turns out the last girl he dated was actually 4 years older than me, so he's into older women! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Okay, but all I have to do is tell him that I have a boyfriend, and he'll go away. What the hell? Is he a clinger or something? I got the words that he's content being a friend, because he's new to the city (from Arkansas), and would just like to get to know some new people. That would be rather difficult for me to do with him, because he was attractive, and I had a boyfriend, so it's a no-can-do. But I didn't tell him that. I agreed to be "just friends" in light of the circumstances.
I wasn't expecting Justin to want to have constant communication with me. After our "longer than intended" conversation that night, we hung up on the pretenses of being in touch "later". I didn't realize his "later" consisted of texting me first thing the next morning. Okay. This is getting dangerous. I needed to find something that would keep anything aside from us being "just friends" at bay. I got that dirt when he called me later that evening. Turns out, Justin has a recent "not so proud of" past that is a complete deal breaker for me, so that assuaged my fears of ever thinking beyond a "friendship" with him. If anything ever happened between Sven and me, at most, Justin could possibly be my "new" Lawrence.
No, I didn't anticipate the demise of Sven's and my relationship, but as a friend of mine posted on FaceBook one time "have you ever gotten that 'uh oh' feeling when you know you've just witnessed the beginning of the end?" The minute I gave Justin my number, I had just witnessed that moment. And here we are, less than a week later, that moment came.
Justin has been texting me and calling me everyday since we met. I don't see any harm now in hanging out with him a bit. He seems fun, so we'll see just how "fun" he is.
So, I'm sure as my life rolls along, there will be some updates. May not be as often as I'd like, but, hey, you never know. Here it is, I didn't think I'd be posting about the break up of a relationship less than 3 total months in the making, but it happened. With me, you just never know. Hell, I never know. We'll find out together, though.
Oh, and as far as how I feel about the breakup? I don't. I'm numb. I like it like that, and for now, I prefer it that way.
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