Rumor Has It

Happy day, people of blogsville! I apologize for my extended absence, and lack of update, however, I just returned from some of the best few days visiting my Sven in New Mexico. I yet haven't gotten to the story of him yet, but it will be here soon...I promise. So, without any further adue, I now return to the regularly scheduled timeline of events......

"Pure genius! I just had to message you and let you know that your profile is absolutely amazing. I have never seen a woman sum things up the way that you did, and be so realistic on the outlook of life. You're gorgeous as well. I don't know if you'd be interested in me, but I'd love to hear from you. If not, then I wish you all of the best."

These were the words that greeted me on the dating site. Remember I said that I view profiles before responding in order to know how to respond? That's exactly what I did, and boy, was I not disappointed. Will wasn't my normal in the aspect that his head is clean shaved (I'm more partial to hair), his goatee was longer than my standard attraction to (I prefer shorter, cleaner looks), and judging from his pictures, he looked like a bit of a partier. What made me decided to look deeper and read his information section was first, he only listed that he was looking for a long term relationship (listings of short term are a major turn off to me), he's a widower (the wife had committed suicide ealier in the year), former military, and he's gainfully employed in the health industry. He did have one picture of himself with a little hair on his head, and his face was clean shaved, making it easier for me to see his features better, and I made the determination that he's actually not bad looking. The bonus, he lives right here in Oklahoma. He lives in the same town that Jones lives in, but that made no nevermind, because their personalities (judging from his profile) would put them running with totally different groups, and the possibility of them knowing each other would be slim to none. Alot of what he said in his profile matched my requirements, and he only has 2 children, they're both from a previous marriage, but he wants more. My interest level shot up.

I messaged him back thanking him for the compliments, described a little about what was going on with me at the time, and invited him to respond, which he did. We exchanged a few online emails before he inquired about taking our communication offline. I was flattered by his approach to asking, so I sent him my phone number thinking that I'd hear from him soon considering how flawlessly our communication was flowing. I waited. And waited. And waited a bit more before I wrote him off thinking that I may never hear from him. He hadn't been online in a while (I'd added him to my "favorites" list and it tells their login history), so I figured he'd either found someone else, or he'd gotten super busy and the current wasn't good timing for him. Either way, I mentally wished him the best.

Almost 2 weeks later, my phone rang with an unfamiliar number. I hadn't given my number to anyone else, so I instantly knew it was him. I surprised him when I answered saying his name, but he apologized immensely for taking so long to contact me saying he'd been extremely busy. The conversation was brief due to the fact that I was getting ready to go to work, but we talked long enough for me to find out a little more about what was going on in his life at the time, the incidents surrounding his wife's suicide, and about his children. We made plans to continue the conversation when I got off work that day, and he assured me that he was looking forward to it. There was nothing in the conversation that gave me a red flag pertaining to him, other than I did question if it would be a good idea to get involved with him so soon after his wife's death. He said they'd been together 10 years, married for 6 of those, and she was his bestfriend. I'd learned my lesson about those things being that Allen's son had passed away mere months before our meeting, and we see how that turned out. Everything from lack of communication to our breakup seemed to be an excuse due to that, so I was not interested in going through that again. But, I figured that Will and I could take our time, just get to know each other, and if all else failed, we'd wound up as good friends.

When I got off work that evening, I sent him a text inquiring if it was a good time to talk. No response. I will say that I've had people tell me before that my texts don't come through all of the time, so after about 15 minutes with no response, I decided to call just so he wouldn't be able to use that excuse. No answer. It wasn't late, so I figured he may have just not been able to answer right then. I left a voice message, making sure to leave my phone number (that wasn't going to be an excuse, either), and waited for him to call back. Nothing. Two days passed, and I tried calling and leaving a message again. Nothing. I didn't have time for this crap. Even if he was busy, a simple text to tell me that would have been sufficient, but no communication at all is what threw me. I deleted his number from my phone and put him out of my mind. A few days after I'd deleted him, he called, again apologizing, saying he'd had a rough week due to the fact that it was some sort of memorable week from the previous year with his wife. Okay, I can understand that. I almost felt bad about dismissing him so quickly, especially under the circumstances, but that made me further put my guard up, because by that time I was getting the feeling that anything with me could start possibly being compared to her. He didn't seem ready. Extreme caution with proceeding. We had a longer conversation that time, he opened up to me about alot of things, I opened up to him about alot, we exchanged previous relationship information, and discussed plans for the future. I was starting to really like him. Over the next week or so, communication was regular, via texts and phone calls, so I thought something may actually come to fruition with him. The more we conversed, the less I thought about Allen. Yeah, I'm really starting to like Will. Anyone with the fortitude to make me forget that Allen existed would definitely have my attention, and was already a huge step in the door. We agreed that following weekend (which would be almost a month after our first emails) would be a good time to meet. We'd planned to meet in Where It's At and spend the weekend together.

Two days before our scheduled meeting, he called telling me that he wasn't going to be able to make our meeting because his therapist was having him admitted to the psych ward for evaluation over the weekend, and he was on suicide watch. What the hell? This was the first I was hearing about any of this. Hmm. Okay, so he's still dealing with his military PTSD and grieving his wife. Understood. But, I had no idea that things were that bad with him. I knew then that I'd definitely keep the relationship at a distance. I wasn't mentally equipped to be able to handle this route of events for a second time in less than a year, nor able to deal with this situation in it's extreme. He practically begged me to reschedule, saying he wanted nothing more than to meet me. I gave him verbal support, and told him to let me know when things calmed down for him, and we'd talk about all of that then. He agreed, and said he'd call me as soon as he was released from the hospital.

Why was I getting the feeling that there was more to this than just what he was telling me? My radar kicked on, and suddenly, I felt that although he may have been dealing with those issues, there seemed to be more than the issues...another woman must be involved. It shouldn't have mattered, because I wasn't interested in things progressing beyond what they were at that point, but I hate being lied to, or the whole story not being given, and I was on my research to find out. Being that I got that eerie feeling, I decided to try to contact him the day he said he was to be released from the hospital. No answer. I left a compassionate message for him to return my call. Nothing. Later that day, something told me to call him anonymously and see if he'd answer. Damn. He answered. I hung up knowing at that moment that he was full of shit. I waited and tried calling direct again the next day. No answer. I didn't leave another message that time, realizing that he's full of game, and I wanted no parts of it. But, I still wanted to find out what he wasn't telling me.

Facebook. Enough said. His profile didn't come up under his name, he's got the search options limited for finding him, but when I searched his lastname in his town, I found his mother, and found him listed under her family. His friend list wasn't private, so I decided to see who some of his friends were. There was one particular girl that caught my attention. I don't know why, but something about her told me to click on her page and see if her wall was private. It wasn't. At least she divulged the information that he wouldn't. Come to find out, according to her status, she and Will had spent the weekend, together and with some friends of their's, that weekend that Will and I were supposed to meet. Judging from a few more of her status', she and Will were a little more than just friends. Her relationship status wasn't visible, but some of her pictures were, and she'd tagged him in some of them together in "more than just friends" poses. Hmm. The status she'd had from around the time that he and I met and then started communicating regularly, there were some sort of "woe is me" daily posts that let me know they must've had an argument or something, and he was on the prowl, but when they patched things up, that's when he was disappearing from my life. Sneaky asshole. Instead of him just telling me he was seeing someone, he wanted to back-burner me for the times that they were on the outs. Asshole. I was a little peeved by that time, because that wasn't cute. His message option was blacked out, so I had to send him a friend request in order to message him. In my email, I told him that he didn't have to accept my friend request, but that I just wished he'd have told me that he was seeing someone else so I wouldn't get my hopes up of regular communication with him, and wished him the best. A few days later, he'd accepted my friend request, and messaged me saying that he wasn't seeing anyone seriously, he didn't want to lose me from his life, but things were hard for him at that moment, and he yet wanted to deal with me. He hoped I understood and would forgive him. Oh, I understood, alright. I understood that he didn't know that I'd done my research and knew he was full of shit. That's okay, though. He just wouldn't be hearing from me anymore on my accord. I did check his page out, and saw that his relationship status still said "married" with his wife's name beside it. So maybe this chic that's posting about him isn't a girlfriend. She might just be a fuck buddy, but she was definitely part of a reason why he'd distanced himself from me. Right about the time he accepted my friend request, he stopped posting status updates, or either blocked me from seeing them. No worries. I could still see her page and would know what was going on there.

No doubt I was disappointed, because all of a sudden, my "Allen thought deterrent" was gone, so guess who popped back into my mind. I'd even gone so far as to send him another friend request, which he accepted. The girlfriend was cute, to say the least, and I was proud of him that he hadn't gone down in that department. As I'd said before, judging from some of the girls I'd seen that he'd dealt with, I was questioning my own looks at one point. So, I figured if he had another girl, at least she was cute enough for me to be jealous. I also noticed that she was a blond. Wow. Allen had told me when we were dating that he wanted a black woman, so for him to revert from that was a shocker. It made me feel kind of good, though, in the aspect of thinking that he hadn't dated another black woman (even though that's what the last few girls before me had been), because he'd never find another one like me. That thought alone made me just a bit more secure in knowing that he knew I was unique.

My birthday was around the corner, and being that I'd spent it with Allen the previous year, I was longing for that again. Daniel invited me to spend my birthday with him and Lizzie (I mentioned this in a previous posting), and we did have alot of fun, but I was still wishing I was with Allen. I was extremely hurt, because I hadn't received a birthday greeting from him, and I know he didn't forget it. Especially if he'd been on Facebook. My girl friend, Ann, had text me saying she was in town visiting her mother, and when I went to text her back, I'd scrolled down too far in my phone, and text Allen instead. My contacts list is alphabetical and their names are directly on top of each other. When I realized what I had done, I text him an apology, and he responded that it was ok. Still no birthday greeting, so I decided to be bold and ask why he hadn't sent one. Damn his girlfriend. I really didn't care anymore. I'd had a bit to drink, and I was feeling good, so the thought of consequences wasn't on my agenda.

Me: (via text) So, you're not going to wish me a happy birthday?
Allen: I forgot. Happy Birthday
Me: Oh, what a way to remember a friend :( I thought we were better than that
Allen: I've been busy and hadn't thought about it
Me: Okay. Well, I'm sorry, I've been drinking and I shouldn't be texting you this late. Don't want to disrespect your girlfriend
Allen: No worries. You haven't been to my page? No girlfriend. I'm single
Me: Oh. I didn't know that. I'm sorry. Well, I'm trying to go drink some more, so you have a good night :)
Allen: LOL. That's ok, R. You have a good night, too. And Happy Birthday

Ah, so what happened with that, I wondered. I did eventually check out his page and notice that the now "ex" girlfriend was no longer on there. But guess who was....Jackie. She and her "vulturistic" posts. One of them that she'd made was just absolutely crude.

"I love my BFF. Yep. I do. I do love my BFF"

Bitch. I guarantee she had something to do with the break up. The malicious side of me came out when I saw that, so, I commented on her post "Oh, that's so sweet! :) tehehehe". Next thing I know, she blocked me. THAT was all I needed to see, when I noticed that I could no longer see anything about her on Allen's page. The bitch was shocked that Allen and I were friends on Facebook again, and because she knew how I felt about her (even though I'd sent her an email one time trying to squash things between us..she never responded), she damned sure wasn't expecting me to comment on her fucked up post. She unblocked me a few days later, but that post on his page was deleted. Not just my comment, her whole post. I guess she realized that by blocking me she couldn't see anything about me, either, and she didn't want to miss any posts or comments I'd possibly make on his page. Stupid, stupid, dumb bitch. There's no other description for her. Barbara hadn't commented or posted anything in months. Wonder what that's about? As a matter of fact, none of the females that were so anxiously posting and commenting when we were together had. Oh well. None of my concern anymore. At least that was the way I tried to think about it, because I didn't need any further hurt in my life. It was bad enough that I was weak to the point of re-adding him after 8 1/2 months.

Thanksgiving was around the corner, and since Allen said he was single again, my mother decided to invite him to Texas with me for the holiday. She wasn't ready to completely dismiss him, either.