Myspace has a search engine where you can search for people in your area to get acquainted with. I searched, and came across Jones' profile. He was cute..hazel eyes, thin trimmed beard, a nice stocky build, and he lived in a small town on the outskirts of Where It's At which was only about 2 hours from BoreTown. His profile wasn't private, so the first thing I looked for was his status. Single. Then I viewed his pictures. No women, just pictures of him and 2 of his (what I later found out was 3) children, and the bonus was that his children appeared to be mixed race, so I knew he wasn't a stranger to interracial association. I sent him a message letting him know that I thought he was nice looking, his kids were cute, and requesting to be added to his friend's list. It took him quite a while to respond, and I checked his page everyday for 2 weeks to see if he'd been online and gotten my message. He hadn't, so I knew he wasn't just ignoring me.
In the meantime, I was browsing the dating site. I found the profiles of Daniel and "Gary". Daniel was a handsome guy, was about my height (5'5"), which was shorter than I was used to dealing with, but he was gainfully employed, had a 12 year old daughter, and lived in Suburbia. Gary was taller, appeared to be handsome (his pictures were fairly blurry, but I made the best of them), said he was a radio personality, and lived right there in BoreTown. Hmmm. Wonder why I'd never seen him before? I sent a message to both Daniel and Gary, and both of them immediately replied. Being that Gary lived in town, we determined that meeting soon wasn't going to be a problem, so I sent him my phone number, but wasn't expecting to hear from him so quickly. When he called within minutes of receiving the message with my phone number, I told him I was going to the theatre that evening, and he invited himself to meet me there. Remember when I said before that no single, interesting, attractive person would live in BoreTown by choice unless they were there for a job? Well, I found out quickly why I'd never noticed Gary. The only thing that I'd accurately perceived from his profile was that he was tall. There went the interesting and attractive. Not only was he misrepresented in his pictures, but he seemed to have an allergy problem (think constant runny nose that wasn't being wiped) that didn't go over with me too well at all. Plus he was too eager to be "touchy-feely" with me, and that was a complete turn off. That was my first and last time going out with Gary. Inspite of his issues, he seemed to be a nice guy, but when he continued to pursue me, I had to nicely let him know that I just wasn't interested. So, enough about him. (Reference my date experience with Gary as told by JMG at http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/2010/07/lets-boogie.html)
Week 3 since my message to Jones, he still hadn't been online. Daniel and I had rapidly progressed from web chat to phone, and that was going in a positive direction. No one else on any site had grabbed my attention, so I was just enjoying conversing with him.
About that same time, I'd had it with my job. The company had put my request for a transfer on the back burner, and I couldn't take it anymore. I had checked my bank account, determined I could make it for a while (rent, bills, and all) until I found another job, and I left. About a month after I left the company, I started getting bored, and was ready to go back to work. My aim was to move out of BoreTown as soon as possible, so I submitted online applications for jobs in Where It's At and in Suburbia...just to anywhere that was away from BoreTown. About a week after I'd sent out applications, I received a job offer in Suburbia. Perfect.
Daniel and I had spent several nights falling asleep on the phone together, so when I told him I was moving to Suburbia, we had the perfect opportunity to meet, and he volunteered to help move my stuff into my new apartment. It took me 1 day to pack up and get out of BoreTown. On the way out of the city limits, I cursed the day I moved there, gave it the finger, and vowed NEVER to look at that depressing hell-on-earth town again. So far, so good. It had been approximately a month since Daniel and my first messages online, and I was looking forward to meeting him. When he arrived at the gas station where he was to meet me and follow me to my new apartment, I gave him a big hug, and a kiss on the cheek. He was shorter than I thought. He wasn't my height, but a full inch shorter than me, and a bit heavier than he looked to be in his pictures. Oh, well. That just meant I couldn't wear my high-heels when we went out together. I had liked what I knew of his personality, we clicked on so many levels, had alot of common goals, so nothing else mattered. I just wanted the opportunity to spend face-to-face time with him. When we were pulling away from the hug, he hesitated for a bit, gave me the "once over", but agreed to continue on to my apartment, so I didn't think anything of it.
I settled into my new place (where I currently live), dove into my new job (ehn, it worked for then), and looked forward to the possibilities that had opened for me. Daniel and I were texting and talking on a regular basis, but we weren't going out to spend time together. He'd come by my apartment every so often for some "intimate" time, but we never went out out together, and I'd never been to his house. He blamed the reasons on being extremely busy with work and his daughter's (we'll call her "Lizzie") school activities, so I took it with a grain of salt, and didn't press any further. A few months after we met online, I decided I needed to know where I stood with him. He hesistated with the answer that we were "dating". I needed more information. So I asked if that means "dating" as in "I'm your girlfriend" or "dating" as in "we're just casual". He reluctantly told me that I was his girlfriend. I noticed his reluctance, but as much as I was into him, I accepted that answer, and that was that. I yet hadn't met Lizzie, because I'd already given him my "I don't want to meet your daughter unless we're going somewhere" speech, so I was wondering if maybe I was just a passtime for him. Then he shocked me one day. He had told me some of the things that Lizzie was into, so I had gone and bought some Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana things for her which I gave to him to give to her. Being that I hadn't met her, I didn't know how well she'd accept them, but the same evening, he called me and said "Lizzie wants to meet you". Now I was excited. Maybe this was going to turn into something between us after all. Lizzie took to me like milk to cereal. Daniel had told me that his ex-wife, "Lynn", had pretty much abandoned them and was an absentee I'll-deal-with-you-when-I-feel-like-it mother, because she was too busy chasing behind her current boyfriend. Lynn had adopted Lizzie as a toddler when Daniel's first wife signed away her maternal rights. So, basically, when Lynn left that marriage, she left the responsibility of motherhood with it. For 2 years Daniel had been raising Lizzie on his own.
Almost 5 months after my message to Jones, he finally replied and added me to his friend's list. I messaged him and told him that I was seeing someone, but I appreciated him adding me. (This isn't the last you'll hear about him, though)
Daniel, Lizzie, and I began hanging together on a regular basis, and I finally found out where they lived. She wanted me as a constant fixture at her softball games (I was), wanted her friends to get to know me (they did), and always wanted to be around me. I was
Several months passed, and I was accustomed to the life, and was enjoying it. Then, all hell broke loose. Lynn decided to reappear on the scene, and was fuming that Daniel was allowing Lizzie to be around me, and ordered him to keep Lizzie away from me.
Daniel: R, you don't understand
Me: What's there to understand? For months, I've been the closest thing to a mother this girl has had, and all of a sudden you want to take that from us because Lynn has a problem with me being around her?
Daniel: I just don't want to upset Lynn. She is Lizzie's mother, and said she's going to start being more active in her life. You remember I told you when we first started talking that Lynn and I had made the agreement that Lizzie wouldn't meet who we were dating without the other's consent
Me: (getting irritated) Yeah, I remember. But I also remember that Lizzie hasn't had sight nor sound from Lynn in the time I've been around. If she was wanting to be so "motherly" I wouldn't have been able to come in like I have. To hell with Lynn. You're really going to do this? And didn't you tell me that Lynn had Lizzie around her boyfriend "Chuck" and you've never given consent for that?
Daniel: R, I'm sorry, but you just don't understand
Me: (pissed) What's there to understand? Seems to me like Lynn can do whatever the hell she wants to do, but you want to bow down to her now because of a promise she's made fifty million and one times? You want Lizzie to be disappointed again?
Daniel: She said she's gonna do better
Me: She's said that every other time too, and the only reason she's saying it this time is because she sees you're moving on with your life. I'm on to Lynn, and as long as you were single, she didn't give a shit about you nor Lizzie, now all of a sudden she "cares"
Daniel: (upset) Look, Lizzie is Lynn's daughter, not yours. If her mother wants to start taking a role in her life, I'm not going to deny her that. I went against our agreement in the beginning by letting you meet Lizzie, and I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry, but this is just the way it's got to be
Those words stung, and that scenario hurt. So, at the
Things were strained between Daniel and me after that. Lynn did attend 1 of Lizzies school activities, but dropped off and disappeared again. After a month of not hearing from Lynn, I asked Daniel if he'd reconsider, and let me spend New Years with Lizzie. He told me he'd think about it. That was all I could ask for. I knew he had plans to go out with his friends, and I dared not ask if I could go, because up through that point, I'd never been welcomed to hang out with his friends before. I got to the point where I was tired of losing sleep over this issue. I told Daniel we needed to talk. The day that we were supposed to get together to talk, Daniel suddenly had a meeting at work he had to attend (on a Saturday? Really??). I asked him where he would be and I would meet him so we could talk afterwards. He made up some some excuse of it being late at night, and he didn't know how long it would be. I pressed him until he gave me a location.
When I got to the location he told me, I discovered there was nothing there but a park. I rechecked the street crossings he told me, rode up and down the street thinking maybe I missed it somewhere, before finally realizing he'd lied to me. I hot-tailed it over to his house, where his van was parked in the drive way. I parked down the street with my lights off, and waited to see if anyone was coming over. A few minutes after I arrived, I saw him and Lizzie walk out of the house and get in the van. I followed him to a pizza parlor, where I waited for them to leave, and followed them back to their house. I sat outside until almost midnight, when I saw all of the lights go off in the house, before I left and went home. I text him the next day, didn't mention I knew he lied, but said I was "sorry I didn't make it to meet him". He text back saying he "was in the meeting late, so that's fine". Lieing sack of shit. I made another time for us to "talk", he agreed. That day, I went to his house early before I thought he would be awake. I sat in my truck down the street and just watched the house. I got a text from him about an hour after I was outside of his house saying "Something came up. Not going to make it". I text back "Okay. Let me know when". Shortly after, I saw him (without Lizzie) come out of the house and get in his van. I followed him, because I wanted to know what was so important for him to cancel our talk. After following him about 15 miles, I think he realized I was behind him because he pulled into a gas station, and just sat there. I figured there was no use in trying to hide anymore, so I pulled in too.
Me: Why are you doing this to me?
Daniel: Look, R. This is ridiculous
Me: (in tears) I know, but why don't you want me? And why are you avoiding me?
Daniel: (looks away and sighs) I don't know. I've just got alot of stuff going on right now, and....I just don't know. I don't have an answer for you
Me: I guess I don't make you happy. I've tried everything I could to do that, and to be a part of you and Lizzie's life. But you're shutting me out, and that hurts. You've been shutting me out, I just didn't realize it until things blew up with Lynn. Do you still want her?
Daniel: R, I don't know
Me: What do you know then?
Daniel: Nothing right now. I don't know, okay?
Me: Well, I tell you what. Since you don't know anything, I do. I know that you're not happy, and I'm not happy. I can't keep losing sleep over this situation. I care enough about you and Lizzie to want you to be happy, and if I'm not what does it, then why don't you go find what does
Daniel: R, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for things to turn out like this. You're a beautiful young lady, but right now I just don't know what I want
Me: When you find out, let me know
I left him in the gas station parking lot. I cried the whole way home, and for days after that. I was miserable. Christmas and New Years were still on the horizon, though, so maybe he'll have a change of heart for the holidays and let me see Lizzie. I could only keep my fingers crossed on that.
In the mean time, I needed a rebound to make me feel better. A couple of days later, I sent a message to Jones on Myspace letting him know I was single again. He replied "I'm sorry to hear that. When can we meet?" His town was about 2 hours from Suburbia. I needed to get out of town to clear my head, so I geared up for a roadtrip, and went to meet Jones...
No comments:
Post a Comment