Girl....Interrupted

The same day that I accepted a dinner invitation from John, Allen mentioned to me that his family was having a big backyard party in Nebraska (his brother-in-law does it every year), and invited me to attend. So, he IS serious about me, he's inviting me not only to a party, but to one that is being thrown by his family; in other words, he's wanting to introduce me to them. This is just getting sweeter and sweeter. I sent John an email letting him know that I wasn't going to be able to make dinner with him afterall, and advised him that I wanted to see where things could go with Allen. He said he understood, but to keep him in mind just in case things didn't work out with that. I would, and I did. I yet hadn't told Lawrence about Allen, but the more that Allen and I talked, the more distance was being put between Lawrence and me. We still got together, but he was calling on me far more than I was accepting at that point.

Not long after, I received a card in the mail addressed from Allen (we'd exchanged addresses by that time, and I'd sent him some Sooner football memorabilia). This was totally unexpected. It wasn't my birthday (that was still a bit away), we weren't officially a couple, so what the heck was this? The outside of the enveloped was addressed to "My Ebony Goddess", and when I opened it, I was totally surprised by what I read:

"Not only did you bring back my belief in dreams, but you are even more wonderful than my dreams...thinking of you adds a little touch of sanity to my 'crazy' world"

I'm speechless. I think I shed a few tears of joy after reading that, because, he, too, was doing the same for me.

I was nervous about making the trip to Nebraska. I'd never been there before, and before Allen, I'd never heard of any other towns outside of Lincoln and Omaha. He lives in a small town about an hour south of Omaha. As I packed my belongings for the trip, I thought to myself how no guy I'd dealt with (since I'd been in Oklahoma) had invited me to a party, even less, a party where all of his family was going to be. I'd given Allen my "I don't want to meet your daughter..." spiel, but knew the possibility of that happening with me there was high. One thing I appreciated about Allen, is he took care of all of my accommodations for the duration of my stay, I didn't "have to worry about anything..." (his words) just leave everything to him. Somehow, I felt assured with those words coming from him, and felt that he would do just as he said. Mind you, I was traveling into very unfamiliar territory, where I knew nobody but God, so of course, I asked Him to be with me.
*I have to sidenote--Allen went through a messy divorce a few years back, got stuck with massive child support for his two children, and had to move in with his parents to make ends meet. The ex-wife kept the house*

I arrived at the meeting location that Allen had given me (I was following him to one of his sister's house), and when I pulled into the parkinglot, he was waiting for me with that warm, familiar smile. I immediately got out, and gave him the biggest, tightest hug that I could muster. When our eyes met, there was nothing but warmth and gentleness in them, and again, the fuzzy, secure feeling came over me. I didn't know what to expect, but I certainly got alot more than I planned for. When we arrived at his sister's house, I was introduced to his sister, "Lilly", his brother-in-law, "Sam", and their two dogs, then he encouraged me to hurry and change clothes because we were going out..he wanted to introduce me to some of his friends. WHAT?? Not only was I going to meet his family (the rest of which I'd meet the following night at the party), but he wanted me to meet his FRIENDS, too?? Okay, this was starting to be too good to be true (you know what they say about that kind of stuff). This sort of stuff just didn't happen to me, at least it hadn't since I'd lived in Oklahoma.

I'll admit, I was a little nervous. Here I am meeting the friends of a guy that I'd been dealing with for a couple of months, we hadn't even put a title on what we were to each other, and I felt totally unprepared. But, socializing is my thing, and I'm one of those type of people that "never did meet a stranger", so I figured I'd be okay...just didn't know how his friends would react to me being black. According to him, he'd told them about me, but actually being around them might have been a different story. I don't think they knew what to expect from me either, because after introductions were made, there was a bit of hesitation on their part, but once we all started talking, everything flowed smoothly, and it was as if I'd known them forever. Allen made with the constant body contact as well. He kept his hand on my back the entire time (rubbing it with his thumb...oooh myyyy), introduced me to "mountain oysters" (for those that know what they are...they're actually freakin fantastic!) and "orange beer", we drank, we danced (well, I did a bit, anyway) to the jukebox music, we laughed....I was falling more and more for him. It could be described as an awesome time.

When we left the bar heading back to his sister's, he put his hand on my leg and told me that his friends liked me. He knew them and knew how they acted, so I assumed he knew what he was talking about. That night, I lay in bed, next to him, smiling. We did a bit of intimate talking, and then we made love.........sweet, harmonious, intimate, unadulterated, bodies totally in rythem, completely insync, him giving his all, me giving my all, nothing amiss.....love. This was "perfect". I hadn't reached a climax out of desire in so long, I didn't even realize what it was when it happened. Out of all the sex that I'd had before that was "bag-n-sell" good, this was the one that, although WAS sellable, I knew I wanted to keep this all to myself. I wanted HIM all to myself.

The next morning, I awoke to him watching me, and smiling. I was a little disappointed, because I'd told myself that I wouldn't have sex with him unless we were committed to each other, but afterwards, it didn't even matter. Whether or not I ever got a commitment from him wasn't important. What we'd shared that night was good enough for me at that point. He advised me that we were going to a football game for his Alma Mater that day, where I'd be meeting more of his friends. At any moment, I'm waiting for the camera crew to jump out and tell me that I'm either being "Punked" or Candid Camera had started a new season. When that didn't happen, I started mentally slapping myself to wake up, because this couldn't be real. He couldn't be real. When we arrived at the football game, it was underway, and he told me "we never discussed how I'm supposed to introduce you"..no, we didn't.."is it okay if I introduce you as my girlfriend?" That question thrilled me, and although I wanted to jump at the chance to receive that title from him, I yet wanted to keep myself in check. I told him that I prefer he introduce me as his "lady friend" for the time, because I liked the way it sounded, when in actuality, this whole scenario seemed surreal to me, and I was still trying to take it in. I still hadn't determined if I was willing to drop Lawrence, either. Even though Lawrence was my "buddy" while I was in the so-called "relationship" with Mason, Allen was different, and being with him would mean giving that up...sex deprivation (outside of my toys) when Allen and I weren't together. So, he complied, and introduced me to more people than I can remember. I couldn't to this day tell you who was who. All I know is his daughter "Angel" was there, and that was the first time I got to meet her. I knew who she was, instantly, when I saw her. Not only did she look just like his other sister, "Ann", that I'd be meeting that night (I'd seen a family portrait of all 9 of the siblings together), but she was as cute as a button! Short, blond (I found out being blond is a trademark in their family...his parents, all of his siblings, and all of their children are blond), with an athletic build. Good genes, I see. To me, it appeared that at first she was either reluctant to sit with us (her friends were all there, too), or just unsure of what to do. I guess when she realized that I'm down-to-earth, she started warming up to me, and it seemed like I'd known her longer than just since being at the football game.

Could that day get any better? You bet your sweet ass, it could. That night at the party, not only was I introduced to his remaining siblings, their spouses/girlfriends, but a host load of other friends, also. Guess who was their, too? The ex-wife. I found out she makes it a habit of yet attending their family gatherings. She'd been around the better part of 18 years, so I can understand that. I didn't have an issue with that at all, because according to Allen, she's the one that left the marriage, and one thing I know from personal experience, is the one that leaves the marriage is the one that's done with the other person (I left my marriage). I didn't think I'd have to worry about her, though, because my vibe didn't tell me that I did. Allen confirmed that when he was constantly catering to me (always getting me a drink, asking did I want anything), and stuck by my side the entire time. I was the one trying to move around and be social, and everywhere I went, he was right behind me. And the constant, reassuring smile he gave me throughout the night didn't help the fact that I was trying to yet be mentally rational with myself, not getting my hopes up too high about him and me. Everyone was very accepting, friendly, the ex and I were cool and even exchanged a few pleasantries. If Allen had any thoughts of trouble, he was looking at the wrong girl, because I'm the type that believes in respecting the "baby's momma" (no matter what type of relationship they may have with each other), especially when they show respect towards the girlfriend. No problems there.

My first trip to Nebraska was far too short. The next day when I left, I hated to go. The kiss, the look, the embrace he gave me made me want to just say "fuck it all" in Oklahoma, and stay right there with him. In his arms. In his bed. In his life. On my drive home, he was constantly texting me, telling me how much his family and friends liked me, he missed me already, and he couldn't wait to see me again. It wouldn't be long before that time came, because one of his pregnant sisters-in-law had invited me back soon to her baby shower. I was determined to not miss that.

I had alot to think about. What was I going to do. How was I going to factor this man into my life, although, that would be the easy part, and how was I going to maneuver being factored into his. THAT would be the difficult part. He worked 3 jobs, was still grieving his son, and had had a vasectomy. At the time, I was set in my mind that I wanted (a) child(ren) of my own (ha! my nephew has sooo changed my mind on that now!), so how could this be handled? Would that ever be an issue between us? I asked God for some answers to help me determine if this was a right path to go. I talked to some of my friends (my platonic male friends), my mom, anyone who I thought could help me figure out what to do. The man has asked me to be his girlfriend. I didn't want to say no, and possibly pass on the "man of my dreams", but there was still a bit of uncertainty. How the hell was I going to tell Lawrence that our steamy, experimental, fun-with-toys days would be over? Did I want to give that up? If things got to the point of longterm between Allen and me, could I live in Nebraska??? Gosh.....I really wished answers were simpler to come by.

By the time I arrived back in Oklahoma, high on the hog, yet very confused, John decided he wanted to email me asking if I'd reconsidered. Maybe if I take him up on his dinner offer, things will become more clear. I sent him my phone number, and wasn't expecting what I got from that, either.....