I decided to approach the dating scene with my guard up to max capacity this time around. Because Mason (as so many others also) had burned me, and the saying goes "once bitten, twice shy", my shy roll was on, and anything that gave the inkling of not being right, was immediately having the door closed on that avenue. My tactic worked for a while, because I weeded through several guys, and several messages before I got to John and Allen.
John appeared to be a decent guy. Not necessarily my version of attractive, but his conversation put him at the forefront from others. He seemed sincere, and like the type that caters to his woman. I'm in no way a "high maintenance" girl, but I do appreciate chivalry, and I deserve it. My only qualm with John was that he had 3 children...by 3 different women. That kind of sent up a red flag about his relational stability. Giving him credit, he was at least married to 2 of the women, and his 2 older children were basically adults, so the baby girl (a 3 year old) was the only concern. Inspite of it, I decided that maybe I was being a bit haste with my judgemental ways, and decided it might not be so bad to at least meet him. He had said that he wanted more children, so we'll see.
John and I had exchanged about 2 emails when I received an email from Allen. Allen's profile fit my match to a "T". We had alot in common, everything from church, to both having alot of siblings and being the oldest, to our favorite novels (yes, a guy who reads novels). In other words, his profile was the mirrored image of mine, in a guy's version. His pictures didn't really give the best view of him, but I liked the way he talked. He had a good job, had 2 children (a teenage daughter, and pre-teen son..both by his ex-wife), and seemed to have been raised in a chivalrous manner. Good upbringing. He and I emailed back and forth for all of a few days when I asked him about taking the conversation offline. He sent me his phone number, but no instructions as to when he was available to talk. At the time, I didn't want to invest too much thought into Allen, because for one, he lives in Nebraska, and for 2, I was sort of interested in John, but I figured what the hell, and gave Allen a call. The first time I dialed his number it rang, and then cut off into dead air. I debated about calling him back, not wanting him to think me insane or anything (even though I kinda am), but I could always use the excuse of not getting his voicemail on the first try and wanting to leave a message to make sure he would get my number. He text me a couple of hours later letting me know that he was at work, but he would call me when he got off. Ehn, okay.
I hadn't received a reply from the last message that I'd sent John, so I figured whomever contacted me first, I'd go that route. Allen didn't waste any time. He text me when he got off work and asked when would be a good time to call me. We wound up in a lengthy discussion that night, and I was instantly captivated by him. His voice was soothing, his demeanor was gallant, he sounded like my kind of man. We began exchanging phone calls and texts over the next few days, until he asked me when we could meet. Again, I wasn't thinking he'd be serious about meeting, afterall (I'd mapquested our distance), there was a 6+ hour drive between us, so that was a bit of a mood dampener. He assured me that he had no problems with commuting, so we set a tentative date for the following month when we'd both be available. He began texting me constantly after that, and I was sure he was interested, but I was yet dealing with him from arm's length, because until he actually proved that he was a man of his word, and made the trip, he was just some other man that I was talking to. He'd even frustrate me sometimes, if he'd text and I wouldn't immediately reply, he'd begin asking "so you don't want to talk to me now?" and I'd have to let him know that I was busy at the time (one time I was in the movies when he was blowing up my phone), and that I don't make it a habit of just ignoring people. There's always a reason if I don't respond right away. Geeze, dude, slow your roll.
We added each other to Facebook, at which time I found out that one of his children (his young son) had tragically died a few months prior to us meeting. My heart instantly went out to him, being that I'd faced similar situations in my family before. I did question if he was actually ready for a relationship being that this was too fresh of a wound. He told me that he has to keep living, and was as ready as he'd ever be. Remember I said in a previous post that you can learn alot from someone's status'? The more I went through his page, the more I started to like him. There was no "damning" evidence of him being involved with any other women, and everything about what he'd told me seemed legitimate. I began being more responsive to him, and could feel my attraction level rising. I was yet being cautious, though, because I didn't know if he was going to follow through on his word of coming to meet me. One thing that threw me off about Allen was during a conversation, he told me that he's not trying to rush into anything and just wanted a friend. I told him that I'm not trying to rush anything, but I'm also not looking for anymore platonic male friends, because I have enough of them. He backtracked and said he meant like rushing to get married in the next 6 months or anything. I concurred with that. He also revealed to me that he and his ex-wife used to be swingers, but he'd gotten out of that lifestyle. Red flag alert, because I'd just gotten out of the "relationship" with Mason that was similar, but if he said he was out of it, then all I could do was see if he was true about it. I didn't need another man trying to slip that shit in on me. Allen was made aware immediately of my preferences, and he said that was perfect for him, because he didn't involve himself with that lifestyle anymore. We'll see.
I yet hadn't received a response from John, so as the time got closer for Allen to come down, I got more anxious.
He came.
He got lost coming through Oklahoma and wound up heading towards Where It's At versus Suburbia, and when he called me to tell me he'd gotten twisted and driven almost an hour out of the way, he was extremely frustrated. I didn't let his frustration phase me one bit (hell, I'd have been aggravated at the lost time, too), and attempted to assuage his irritation with promises that I'd surely keep once he arrived. He eventually calmed down, and made it to Suburbia. Even though we'd been talking for over a month, I yet wasn't comfortable with a man I was meeting for the first time knowing where I lived, so I'd rented a hotel room for him (the same one I'd met Junior at years prior..hehe). He got lost trying to find the hotel, so I drove to meet him in the Walmart parkinglot down the street from it.
When I pulled up beside his car, I was speechless. I was not prepared for the fine vision of masculine perfection that was leaning against the hood of his car. He looked impressed with me, too, and immediately gave me a "perfect" smile, and a hug that felt like he'd been waiting years to give me. His pictures did him absolutely NO justice, and I told him as such. He countered, saying the same for me. We drove back to the hotel to drop off his car, and allow him to change into something more than his riding clothes, then we hit the town.
I took him on a tour of Suburbia. He's an avid fan of the college football team in Oklahoma, so I showed him things in reference to it, and gave him a tour of Suburbia's downtown life. The clubs were jumping (it was a Saturday night), and we agreed to see what we could make of them. As we were walking, he asked me if he could hold my hand. I was instantly smitten, because he didn't hold my hand, he held my hand, like boyfriend-girlfriend-fingers interlocked type holding. He made sure our bodies were in contact in some form during the entire time we were out. Everything from hand holding, to putting his hand on my back, to standing super close to me when were standing still. And since he smelled so damned good, I didn't mind one bit. He was wearing on me. I even caught him just glancing at me and smiling quite often. I'd blush, return the smile, and was silently hoping to God, that this was him...THE ONE.
We made our way around the area, and when things started closing down, headed back towards my SUV. I'd worn one of my cutest pair of heels, and my feet were starting to hurt from all the walking, so I stopped to take them off. He volunteered to carry them for me. OMG..IF THIS MAN DOES ANYTHING ELSE, I'M GOING TO BE IN LOVE. Of course I didn't tell him that (we'd had a conversation before that we don't and won't use that word unless we were 100% about it...I always am), but I was surely thinking it. That night, we fell asleep in each other's arms. He didn't pressure me for sex, didn't even hint at having it, just appeared to be content holding me. But I swear, even though we didn't have sex (I wasn't going there with him just yet), I've never kissed a man before in my life (that I can remember..and since I can't, it's not important) that our tongues were so in tune with each other and moved so harmoniously together. His kisses were love making enough for me that night. The next morning, we awoke, got dressed, did a little more city touring, and met a friend of mine for lunch, which Allen volunteered to pay for. He's racking up more and more points.
When the time came for him to head back to Nebraska, it was bittersweet. I felt the chemistry, I knew the attraction was there, but I didn't want to push the issue, determining to let him lead. I don't think he was gone an hour before I got a text from him that said one word: "AMAZING". I knew he was a keeper, and I was ready to proceed forward with this man. It had been quite a long time since I'd dealt with a man that I was at ease with from moment one, and felt like he was my protector, my superman. All of these possible thoughts about Allen and me ran through my head. He called me shortly thereafter and told me he wasn't looking for anyone else. He'd found what he wanted in me. Keep your cool, R, because even though this all seems so right and so real, and you want it to be, just wait and see how things play out...don't get too ahead of yourself just yet. I told him the feeling was mutual. But, there was still a bit of uncertainty there, due to our distance, and he hadn't mentioned anything about seeing me again.....hhhhmmmmm.
The day after Allen left, I finally received an email from John. I was a bit torn at this point, because Allen seemed so promising, but I yet wasn't sure if that was just the euphoria of meeting him, or if he was serious about me. So, I wasn't quite ready to let the other candles burn out, so I agreed to meet John for dinner one night. There was also the matter of Lawrence who'd started getting a little clingy (not in a bad way)....
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