John wasn't ready to give up on me easily. After I'd given him my phone number, we'd exchanged texts, and a few phone conversations. During one of our talks, he informed me that he basically lived down the street from where I worked. I didn't think much on that until one day he arrived at my job, with his 3 year old daughter in tow. When I saw him, not only was I surprised, but I was more caught off guard that he'd brought his baby girl along with him when we'd had the whole "I don't want to meet your kids..." conversation. That's the first thing I mention to any man that I deal with, because, again, I know how I can get. Although Daniel and I were back on speaking terms (we had been for a while) and I had free reign with his daughter again, the pain of the initial situation with Lynn was something that still haunted me, and I refused to be subject to that again.
I spotted John playing on the toy isle with his daughter, "Monica", and began playing with her like we'd been associating all along. John smiled at me, I'm assuming in like of what he saw for the first time face-to-face, and told me "you must be special, because Monica doesn't normally take to women this easily". That made me feel good, yet a bit uneasy at the same time. I don't know why, but it did. She was the cutest thing, with the prettiest grey eyes I'd ever seen. She's bi-racial (all of his children are), so I knew dealing with John wouldn't pose the issue of his children feeling awkward with and around me, that's something that I always take into consideration when dealing with men who have children. We talked for a bit, played with the toys (hey, they were paying customers, so it was my duty to do that), and he told me that he felt comfortable with me already. When he was leaving, Monica threw a bit of a fit because she didn't want to go. John asked her if she wanted to stay with me, to which she responded by wrapping her tiny arms around my leg. I picked her up, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and promised her I'd see her soon. John took that opportunity to take a phone picture of Monica and me together, and threatened to blackmail (no pun intended) me by posting that picture on Facebook and tag it to my page to where Allen would see it (he said he secretly hoped that would keep Allen away from me) if I didn't follow through with my plans to have dinner with him. I liked his determination.
Allen and I were yet in constant communication, and as the days passed, I was not only growing more fond of him, but I was starting to feel something for him that was indescribable. John and I were in contact as well, and when the day came for our dinner date, I was feeling more torn than I had previously. He'd brought Monica along with him to the restaurant, and from the way he talked, I started getting the vibe that he was attempting to turn this into a family affair and fit me in as the "alternate" mother. Monica's mother is very much involved in her life (John shares joint custody with her), so why is he doing this? We got through dinner (luckily, Allen didn't text until close to the end of it), and when we arrived back at John's house (we took my SUV because his truck was full of work equipment and he'd wanted us to ride together), he asked if he could kiss me. That's something I'm big on...I can tell alot about how a guy and I will get along by the chemistry I feel in a kiss. I didn't feel the spark at all, and the bell that saved it was Monica started whining from her car seat in the back. John and I both laughed, and he turned to ask her what was wrong. The look she gave me (mind you, she was only 3) was pure hatred. He caught that and asked her if she didn't "like that daddy was kissing R". She vigorously shook her head no, and started crying. I knew that was the case when she gave me that look, and told him that kids can tell you alot without saying a word. John assured me that Monica just had to get used to seeing that, because not only was she not used to seeing him with another woman, but she'd never witnessed him kiss a woman before. She was the only "girl" in his life at the time, and he had to live his life and have some adult interactions. I understood that, but something told me that things wouldn't be easy with this, if the girl cries just by seeing her dad kiss a woman, then how would she act if another woman started being around on a regular basis. Did I really want to invest the time and energy to find out?
I text Allen back after I left John's house (I wasn't there very long at all), and we proceeded to a conversation. There was no way I was telling him that I'd just been on a date with another man, and from the feeling I was getting after that point, he wouldn't have to worry about John anyway, because I wasn't seeing a future there. I'd thought more about Allen asking me to be his girlfriend (it had been almost 2 weeks since the conversation exchange at the football game), and I was liking that idea more and more, so I told him "you know, I think I like the sound of being called your girlfriend". His response was music to my ears. "You've made me the happiest man around, R. I'm glad you decided that". I knew right then and there that I had to let Lawrence go.
Lawrence had text me while I was on the phone with Allen wanting to hang out. Besides the sex, he and I did actually go out to eat, go to the movies, and just enjoy each other's time. I would miss all of that, too, but in my eyes, no good can come of hanging around "booty buddies" when you're in a relationship. The temptation is too great. I didn't respond to Lawrence's text that night (which wasn't uncommon), but the next day, I called him and told him that I appreciated him for all of the time that we'd spent together, but I was seeing someone, and I wouldn't be able to see him anymore. He paused before he responded, but told me "fair enough. I wish you the best with that". I hoped to God nothing but the best between Allen and I, because it would be just my luck that if things didn't work out (I didn't like to think like that, but I had to take ALL into consideration), Lawrence would be in a relationship, and I wouldn't get my buddy back again. I didn't delete him from my phone, but there was a silent understanding that there would be no more contact between us. At least for then.
Allen posted status updates on his Facebook every-so-often, and I would comment or "like" what he'd posted. I waited about a week before I asked him if I could change my relationship status on Facebook, and would he accept the change on his end, to which he enthusiastically replied "of course". Not long after our status changes (to which he got alot of "likes" and alot of positive comments on it), one particular female "Barbara" posted a simple "good luck" on the status change. Out of all the comments that were posted, something about that one irked me, and sent the immediate "she's trouble" signal to my brain.
I'd heard Barbara's name before from Allen, but I didn't know who she was. There were a few Barbaras on his page, but when I saw her post, I knew who she was. According to Allen, she wanted to be with him, but he didn't want a relationship with her because she had too many mental issues. She lived in Colorado, and he'd met her through some mutual friends that had lived in Colorado before, but since moved back to Nebraska. I asked him about her and told him about her comment on his post, to which he assured me that she was nothing to worry about, she posed no threat to me, and that his status change was the first of her hearing about our relationship because he didn't really talk to her anymore. I took in what he said, but as a woman, my intuition told me that he may have believed what he told me, but that wasn't the case. I would just sit back and watch this.
Sure enough, another female, "Jackie", started posting unsolicited things on his Facebook wall. She was more subtle about her approach saying things like "I love and miss you my BFF. When do I get to meet your wonderful girlfriend?". BFF can stand for 2 things: Best Friend Forever, and Best Fuck Friend. I didn't want to jump to conclusions about Jackie, because Allen had told me that she was an old friend that he'd known for years. I didn't know the extent of their background, and didn't want to come across as the "jealous" girlfriend, so I didn't ask. Again, I'll just sit back and watch. I decided I wanted to see just how "good" of friends Jackie and Barbara were, so I reviewed his page from the date he started using it. That only spanned back through the beginning of that year. I found that Barbara had only posted once or twice on his page, just saying little things like "hope all is well with you" and something else about a trip she'd made. Nothing damning, and nothing to raise suspicion. Jackie had posted innocently, too, a few times. "I can't believe your better than me at Dance Off" (okay..she doesn't know the difference between "your" and "you're"), and "hope your having a great week". Again, nothing to raise suspicion. I tried to block it out of my mind, and figured it was just me being what I didn't want to be...the jealous girlfriend. Not long after that, Jackie posts on his wall, again. More of the "I love and miss you BFF. You need to come visit me in Omaha". Okay, where is all of this "I love you" coming from, and why is she calling him BFF now? She hadn't been doing that before, so why is she doing it now? I went through the previous messages she'd posted before just to make sure it wasn't in my head, and nope, neither "I love you" or "BFF" had been used prior. She's had all this time before he and I met to post stuff like that, so why is she waiting until NOW to start posting like that? Okay, I see now, this may be a bit of a problem. Women know women, just like men know men, and know their intentions. I viewed this as her way of "letting me know" that she's a part of his life. Okay. I see who I'm dealing with now, and I don't like it. I didn't want to tell Allen, because our relationship was too new, so I determined to do the old saying "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer".
I waited until Jackie made another post about loving her BFF and meeting me. I commented on her post this time that I couldn't wait to meet her. It was true. I wanted an upfront and personal view of this woman. She responded that she couldn't wait to meet me either. There we go. Now maybe I'll get to the bottom of this and see if this is something I'm configuring in my mind, or if she's really being a messy heifer, and trying to stake her claim on Allen. I did ask him how close of friends they were, and he'd told me that they'd dated several years back after his divorce, but realized it wasn't going to work, so they just decided to remain good friends. He'd also told me that Jackie just viewed them as being bestfriends, when in actuality, he was closer to another friend, "Jennifer" (I didn't even know Jennifer..he'd been involved with her before, too, but she seemed to be respectful of him having a girlfriend, and I liked her just because of that), but he just let Jackie think what she wanted to, because it wasn't worth the hassle of trying to convince her otherwise. I accepted that story from him, and decided that I'd let it be until I got to meet her. I would be going back to Nebraska for his sister-in-law's baby shower soon, and that would be the perfect opportunity for us to meet.
When I went for the baby shower, all was pleasant. I got to meet more family (Allen's father as well..I'd met his mother on the previous trip) and friends, and the time Allen and I were spending together was priceless. I was even tickled pink that he'd posted on his Facebook wall that he was having breakfast with his "famila" and named me as one of the members of his family. He'd started calling my mother "mom" (she'd fallen in love with him when I'd first told her about him..she warned me not to let my insecurities from other relationships run him off), and I was calling his mom the same. I felt as if we were "together" in more ways than one, and completely on the same page. What bugged me was, although he had his phone on vibrate, it kept going off. He'd tell me it was just various friends texting him, but it was a bit unsettling that his friends would be texting him so frequently, as if he wasn't spending time with his girlfriend. Afterall, they supposedly knew I was there...if he didn't tell them by text, they saw it on Facebook. Someone either didn't care, or was completely stupid to the "code of ethics" in this matter. My phone went off a few times, but mine was mostly just my mom, or my "brothers" making sure I'd made it okay (again, I was a long way from home), and telling me to let them know when I was on my way back to Oklahoma. They didn't bother us anymore because they all know how I operate (don't bother me when I'm spending time with someone unless it's important) and respected my time with Allen.
I asked Allen while I was there about making the trip to Omaha to meet Jackie. He told me that she was in another state that weekend, and maybe next time. Okay. In the meantime, I'll just keep being the good girlfriend and stay silent. Even though there are things racking up that I'm not comfortable with, I'll keep it to myself. The rest of the time went by incident free, I'd had a blast at the baby shower, and again, parting the next day was sweet sorrow. I returned home, happy that this man appeared to be as receptive emotionally, mentally, and physically to me as I was to him. He was convincing me more and more that I'd given up nothing that I regretted giving up to be with him.
The postings on his Facebook wall became more frequent, by Jackie, and now Barbara was chiming in. Both women (I won't use the term "ladies", because I perceive neither as such..I won't use the term that I want to) were commenting "I love you" and "I miss you" on his status updates, and Barbara even went so far as to tell him she was coming up there to visit their mutual friends and wanted to see him. Why the hell would a woman post something like that on another woman's boyfriend's page when she knows the possibility of the girlfriend seeing it is high?! Exactly. She was now also showing in her own way (women talk) that she was a part of his life. I've got a battle on my hands, but I'm not going to freak out. Allen told me that Barbara wanted to meet me. With her, the desire wasn't there, I was already on to her, and I told him that I didn't care to ever meet her. Besides, his relationship with Barbara, although strange, didn't strike as the same type as with Jackie. I again asked Allen about his relationship with these women, to which he asked me if I felt threatened by them. WHAT THE HELL?! Okay, how do I make this man understand that it's not that I feel threatened, but let him know that I DO feel disrespected? One of my sisters and male friends had added him to their pages, they were seeing these things (just as I was...my male friend more so, and he would alot of times be the one to bring it to my attention), and ask me why these women who are supposed to just be "friends" posting stuff like that on his page when he has a girlfriend. No guys, I don't care how close we were, were being blatant in their posts on my page, so why was I dealing with it? I told "Eric" that Allen had assured me that I had nothing to worry about with these women, and reiterated what he'd said about them being just friends. My friend Eric wasn't okay with that, told me I needed to watch myself, but he yet respected the boundaries. I wanted to get a few more opinions on it, because Eric, after being friends with him for several years and knowing how he is with women, could never win a prize for "Boyfriend of the Year", so I told two other male friends about the situation (both who have morals and believe in complete monogamy with their women), and asked their opinions as well. Each of them echoed Eric's thoughts (dang, 3 different men saying the same thing), and one of them told me I needed to get out of that relationship, because he didn't see anything good coming out of it for me dealing with that kind of mess early on.
I wasn't ready to give up on it yet, though. Maybe Allen just had a different type of relationship and dealt with ex-girlfriends, and former booty buddies than I did. I was determined not to let this get me down. Allen was scheduled to come visit me for my birthday in a couple of weeks (we'd celebrated his together while I was there..his birthday is a few weeks before mine. I bought him a bible with his name engraved in gold), and I didn't want anything to deter that. I'd never had a man invest in me like he was doing for my birthday (besides my ex-husband, and one ex-boyfriend), nor sincerely invest in just me (Junior doesn't count..he was married) like he was doing. We'll see how things turn out after that. In the mean time, I continued to receive the "mushy" cards in the mail, get excited about them, and miss him more and more. I'd even started planning long term for us...his daughter would be graduating from high school in less than a year, and I wanted us to all do something big together for that milestone.
When he came down for my birthday, things were perfect. He'd made reservations at a "5 star" restaurant, bought me a gift that relates to my Native American heritage (he was more into it than I was), we made love time and again, we discussed plans for me spending the upcoming holidays with his family........and his phone kept vibrating...and I found out that he was yet going onto the dating site that we'd met on......
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