This Is Getting Weird

"Well I see your little pizza boy flaked on you just like I said he would. You ready to come back to me now?"

Mason. Damn. He'd been stalking my Facebook page again. I'm not even dignifying that with a response. Well, maybe I will.

"Hello, Mason. No Allen and I are not together anymore. Let me ask you something, though. Why are you hanging out around my Facebook page anyway? You deleted me obviously because you didn't care what was going on with me, so why do you care now?"

Maybe that would shut him up. I was wrong.

"I see you still have that sassy attitude. That's what attracted me to you in the beginning. I never said I didn't care. But I see you didn't answer my question, so that means you're thinking about it."

Wow. He's surely got a big ego and has alot of confidence in himself. Let me knock that down a few pegs.

"Ha ha. No, I didn't answer your question, and I thought that would be an obvious sign of avoiding it...not because I'm thinking about it, there's nothing to think about, but because it's a rhetorical question that doesn't deserve the dignification of my response. My silence towards you through this point should tell you everything. You didn't answer my question, either."

Silence. We'll see how long that lasts. I started to think that I was fascinated with his drama. It would be so easy to just block him, but yet, I hadn't. His brother and I yet communicate, but that has absolutely no bearings on anything having to do with him. He must've sensed my feel of control.

"Okay, I see you want to play games. That's okay. I see how it is. And don't think that I don't know that you and my brother are probably talking. He's probably trying to get with you, because why else would you be on his page. I see you want to keep it in the family. Couldn't get enough with just me I guess. I see how you are."

Whatever, Dude. Think what you want to think, I don't have time to keep wasting key strokes on you. Grow up and start acting like the 40 year old man that you are. I've got important things to do and think about like the fact that Allen had resurfaced in my thoughts. This is getting to be outrightly ridiculous, and suddenly Ron's proposition wasn't sounding so bad. As long as I was around him, Allen seldom crossed my mind. It was the alone times that frightened me. Thanks to Ron, though, I didn't see very much of that.

When they say "be careful what you wish for", I never took that as a literal meaning, because my wishes for a man that wanted to spend all of his free time with me manifested through Ron. The clause "a man that I want" should have been inserted. He did just as he said, and came to my job every night until I finally agreed to go out with him. I made it clear to him that although I wasn't opposed to possibly eventually establishing a relationship, I wasn't looking to get into one any time soon. He said he understood, but that wouldn't necessarily stop him from trying to pursue something more. Ron was looking for a wife. His angle was to be present and be the man in my life when the time came that I would want to take things to another level. Those were his words. He was determined to wear on me, and I must admit that the "little things" he would do for me were a good start.

It didn't take long for Ron and I to establish a groove. When I realized that he really wasn't going anywhere soon without my explicit words to "get lost", I decided to enjoy the ride. Don't think that Lawrence wasn't still in the picture, though.

Ron and Fox had become regular fixtures at my apartment. My girls even got to the point where they realized "this little yapper is always here...she spends the night, she's eating our food, drinking from our water dish. Damn, will she ever leave or will we just have to stay under to bed to avoid her?". At first they were very responsive to Fox and her playfulness, but eventually, I think they got tired of her, because my boxer started giving her the "whatever" blow off, and my pitt would run in the opposite direction when she'd see her coming. I almost felt bad for poor Fox, because when she would realize they didn't want to play with her, she'd jump in my bed and curl up under me with that sad little doggy disposition.

I have to admit, Ron did a good job of keeping me on the go, and keeping me from getting "bored". We would even attend church functions together. Although he was raised 7th Day Adventist, and I was raised Pentecostal, we had the same core beliefs, but that's where the similarities ended. When he began hinting that he wanted me to convert to his affiliation and stop wearing jewelry (not even the married people wear rings..imagine the difficulty in distinguishing the married from the singles), get my tatoos removed, stop eating pork, and transform to the belief that anyone who didn't observe Sabbath day was going to hell, I knew we we'd reached the extent of our association and it would never be more. I have 3 holes in each ear, a nose piercing, 6 tatoos, can appreciate a good porkchop anyday, and work on some Saturdays. I guess that means I'd be busting hell wide open. It wasn't an immediate pressure from him, but he'd said some offensive things about my religion that rubbed me the wrong way to the point where I told him "look, let's just keep our opinions to ourselves. I'm not converting, and I'm not trying to convert you. I respect you and yours, you respect me and mine, and we agree to disagree." He agreed, but he still insisted on being the man in my life for when I changed my mind. Oh, well. Whatever. He'd even gone so far as to ask me a few times if I'd be his girlfriend. I'd always laugh it off and tell him the timing wasn't right. The attempted persuasion continued.

The extent of our affection was limited to heavy make out sessions. We couldn't have penetration sex because "it's not right, we're not married, and we shouldn't be doing that" (his words) But, uhm, he wasn't opposed to everything oral. So in other words, we can lick and suck all day long, but we can't fuck? Hmm. Okay. No problem. I could respect that. There was never any worries, though, because what he refused to finish, my toys and/or Lawrence always would. I eventually got tired of Ron's method of affection, and put an end to the whole physicalness all together. No more of that. Too much of a tease, and honestly, the rewarding "package" wasn't much of a reward anyway..I just hate getting all roused up with no immediate satiation.

I had started getting pretty comfortable with Ron. I'd met alot of his friends (we'd all hang together, and go to the YMCA and workout sometimes), his family.....his family. I never bothered with the "I don't want to meet your kids..." conversation, because I didn't forsee a future with him to meet them, but his parents and siblings were a different story. I probably should have had that talk with him. Ron never told me that his father, "Jim", was racist. His mother and sister were accommodating from the beginning and we got along great (I even started hanging out with his sister on occasions), but his father just kind of stood back and watched me. One day, I was in the living room engrossed in a conversation with his mom, "Ethel", and his sister, "Beatrice", when his dad sauntered in, and sat on the couch opposite me. I smiled, spoke, he spoke back, but didn't say anything else for a long while. I should have known something when Ethel and Beatrice got rather quiet.

Jim: So, Young Lady. I hear you're a manager at XYZ store?
Me: Yes, Sir, I am
Jim: Mhm. Good company. Your dad's a preacher?
Me: (wondering where this is going) Yes, Sir. He is
Jim: (crossing his legs) I see. So, tell me a little about yourself and where you come from

I saw the vague exchange of looks between Ethel, Beatrice, and Ron, but I didn't think anything of it. Afterall, again, Ron never told me his father was racist. I answered his questions, and before I knew it, all of us were in conversation. That lasted for a little while before Ron was ready to go, and started urging me out of the house. When we left, I told him about noticing the strangeness, and that's when he smiled.

Ron: It's nothing
Me: Then what are you smiling about?
Ron: My dad likes you
Me: (baffled) Okay?
Ron: I didn't want to tell you before you met him, but after seeing how he is with you, you're in good
Me: Tell me what? What are you talking about?

Ron pulled into a park, turned the van off, adjusted in his seat, and looked at me with an earnest expression.

Ron: R, look, we need to have a serious conversation
Me: Look...yes we do. What the deuce is going on??
Ron: If I had told you before we went over there, I knew you wouldn't have gone
Me: Man, you're starting to piss me off. What?
Ron: My dad's a racist

What the hell did he just say???? That took a moment to sink in.

Ron: I don't want you to worry about it though. My dad won't even talk to black people, so the looks you saw from me, my mom, and sister were that of surprise. He was in the military a long time ago and had a very bad experience with some black soldiers. He never let that go, and held it against all black people. But, obviously he sees a difference in you, just like I do
Me: Why didn't you tell me this? Ron, that was very not cool of you to spring on me like that
Ron: I know, and I'm sorry, but I wanted to see how things would go. He'd never said anything to you before, but my family loves you, and obviously my dad's coming around as far as you're concerned
Me: Wow. I really don't know what to say
Ron: Good. Well, that's not all
Me: There's more?
Ron: (laughing) Yeah. Look, I know we haven't know each other that long, but it's been long enough for me to know that I want more with you than what we've got. I want you. I'm over Bonnie, if that's what you're thinking. There's no comparison with what I felt for her, and what I feel for you. You give me a reason to smile every time I see your face, and hear your voice. You're a great woman. (laughs) Why do you think I'm always bugging you? When I look at you, all I see is God's beauty, and mine and my children's future.

Another speechless moment. Clearly this man was willing to do whatever it took to be with me, yet I kept him at arms length. Or maybe there was more to it than I was willing to admit. My heart was still with Allen. My head started hurting. I was dizzy. I didn't respond for a long while. When I did, I told him to give me time to think about it, because I didn't want either of us to make any rushed decisions. What he was asking me basically was for a life-long commitment, and I wasn't sure I wanted that with him. Or, maybe I was looking for reasons to push this man away, using the kids (already having 3 and wanting more), the lack of penile endowment, the religion, and now, the racist family as an excuse, when the real reason was that I was still holding onto hope that Allen would come around. Allen may have been majority of it, but, there was something else that didn't quite set right with me about Ron. He's a nice guy, he does and pretty much says all the right things, so what else could it be? Is it just my "super sensorship", or is something really amiss?

My "senses" were right, there was something more to it, and it wouldn't be long afterwards before I found out just what it was.